[24 M] Ujwal's Diary

Day 12 (15/7/21)

Overall today was a good day. A bit of office work needed to be done today, but I was always pondered about the fact that during the lockdown, my friends are playing football but I could not play. Obviously I wanted to play but I’m in the process of my ACL rehab.

Hopefully if things go well, I’ll be back to playing football again. That’s why I’m focused on getting the hard work in the gym

Good to be totally focused on an aim in life and I am glad to have one.

No sexual urges encountered today, atleast it was less than yesterday, so I think it’s good.

Looking forward to day 13

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Day 13 (16/7/21)

Day 13 completed successfully.

I have to be honest here and say that I had some urges today which included thinking about porn and porn stars, but was able to block them out.

I was able to distract myself but doing something else, and the blockers in my phone and laptop also helped. So far so good

Got through with some agility exercises in the gym which was fun. Will get to do more of those in the upcoming month.

Looking forward to a happy weekend

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Day 14 (17/7/21)

Done with day 14. Today was similar to yesterday, where I had felt some urges to watch porn, but did not do it.

This is kind of like my brain saying to me that it needs a jolt of dopamine, days after I spoilt my brain by watching porn during my last relapse and causing chemical imbalances in the brain.

Hopefully I will enough mental and physical strength to get through the withdrawal symptoms period.

Looking forward to day 15.

Day 15 (18/7/21)

15 days completed successfully. I am very proud of myself.

Today was an important day in my streak as today was the first time I looked at myself in the mirror and felt confident.

I had the glow on my face, my physique was starting to improve and my hard work is paying off.

The only negative today was that I was coerced into visualising sex in my mind, which I was able to block out after 10 seconds.

Today I hit a major milestone but it is still a small step in a long journey.

Looking forward to day 16.

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Day 16 (19/7/21)

Well to be honest, today was probably the toughest day in my streak until now, in terms of urges.

The way it started was when I took an evening nap, I voluntarily thought about sex in order to doze myself to sleep. Then this escalated to me thinking about porn and pornstars, which was a really bad thing to do. For some reason I was not able to block these urges from my mind

Then it further escalated to me looking at NSFW images of pornstars. Thankfully, I did not end up watching porn and did not jerk off to that crap. In order to stop this, I need to start focusing on the wim hof breathing technique to suppress sexual urges, as I believe that the next few weeks are really crucial in terms of combating withdrawal symptoms.

Hopefully day 17 can be better than this.

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Day 17 (20/7/21)

I hoped day 17 would be better but it turned out to be worse than day 16.

Today I almost relapsed just because of reddit. Saw some NSFW images which then escalated to watching a minute of a porn video and almost relapsing.

It was my mistake only. I did not take the required steps to control my urges and it almost cost my streak.

Only thing I can do right now is to learn from my mistakes and to not repeat it again, because if I end up committing the same mistakes again, I won’t be able to live with myself.

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Day 18 (21/7/21)

The day started pretty well even though I had some urges, which I was able to block out successfully.

Somewhere during the evening, the urges became really strong and led me to peeking at sexual images and videos.

But what saved me from those urges was the fact that I was able to complete a Google course successfully, which made me feel really happy in a very long time and also took my mind of the urges, which is a good thing.

I just wish the withdrawal symptoms period ends as soon as possible, but I think if I ponder too much on the period, it might lead me to a relapse I believe. So for the moment I’m not thinking to much about it and focusing on living on a day to day basis.

Looking forward to day 19

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Day 19 (22/7/21)

The less I say about day 19 the better. Today has probably been the worst day within the streak period.

I am ashamed to have watched porn, I vowed to myself to never watch it but I just fail at keeping promises to myself.

During the withdrawal symptoms period, it’s getting worse each and every day and I feel like I’m living a nightmare and I can’t do anything about it.

Good willing tomorrow will be good day in terms in of my recovery.

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I’m feeling sorry for myself because I relapsed. Looking at my posts for last 4 to 5 days, I could see the inevitable, which is my relapses would be inevitable.

There is nothing much to do other than muster up the courage and go to battle again.

This is a really hard pill to swallow which is I’m failing over and over again. But what I need to do right now is to learn from my mistakes and move on in life.

The things which led to my relapse were:

  1. Reddit
  2. Too much utilisation of my phone
  3. Lack of quality sleep
  4. Irregular meditation
  5. Not taking preventive actions when urges arrive

I will focus on these 5 points and make improvements in how I go about my streak. I will be back and much stronger.

I also need to be vary of the chaser effect which will set in, in a day or two.

A new streak starts tomorrow. Wish me luck

2 Likes

Don’t lose hope brother
Fight hard this time :crossed_fingers::fire::facepunch:
@ujwaldamodar004 you will make it :slightly_smiling_face:

Thank you @VARAD. This means a lot to me

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Keep fighting good fight! You’re on a battle field so never let your guard down :raised_hands:

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That’s right @Dari . I’ve got to learn from my mistakes then develop a streak to be successful.

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Day 1 (24/7/21)

Today was the start of my new nofap streak, and it got off to a very good start.

As usual, I stuck to my morning routine by going to the gym. But I also made up my mind to make plans for what I was going to do today, which gives me not much time to use my phone.

So started preparing for my job interviews, so that took some time, which is a good thing. I also made up my mind to reduce my phone usage.

Usually the amount of time I would spend on the phone on a daily basis would be upto 8 to 10 hours. Today, I was able to regulate my phone usage, which was close to 5 hours and 20 minutes, which is pretty good especially on a weekend.

Had flashes of urges but was able to block them out. But I also know that there are tougher days ahead.

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I relapsed again. I got in a fight with my parents and got stressed out.

This behaviour of mine is out of control. I feel sorry for my self and the people that I’m hurting with this behaviour. I’m not like this and I don’t deserve this.

Everyone I pray to God regarding this, I feel like he not listening to me.

Now I’m on the path of redemption and hopefully I succeed.

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Don’t think too much about your past …
Just start a fresh streak.
Hope you do well this time.

Best of Luck brother :pray:

Thank you @VARAD for those kind words.

Day 1 (26/7/21)

Day 1 completed successfully. Had a few sexual urges, but I reminded myself the pain I suffer after relapsing, which will keep me going.

Also tried to change my routine by listening to more podcasts, started studying more and looked to spend less time on the phone. I also decided to stop talking to people who I feel bring negativity into my life. Such negativity gets me stressed out and I usually end up relapsing.

Hopefully good things will follow soon

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Little by little, little by little :slight_smile:

Taking this one day at a time @Dari . With a good gameplan, I will succeed

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