(24 M) Samaranjay's New Diary

Me every 3-4 days since last two weeks. I just can’t go on going this way.

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Bro, is there a common time for relapsing?

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Mine often tend to happen from late morning, to early/late afternoon.

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Late night always, literally always

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:no_mouth: :no_mouth: :no_mouth:

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So you know…what to do
Sleep early bro…
Put on that detox till morning and no way you can access anything!

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Dude, u have so much on your mind and you didn’t tell us…That itself shows how strong u are. But since u are keeping it all in maybe its forming a void inside u. So, u should express more bro.
I think talking with you family openly about what u are feeling about the interview and everything will help.
Give it a shot bro, cause as u said, its not the end of the world; so go on!

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Oh damn. That’s actually a good idea, why did I not think about this :man_facepalming::joy:, instead of just switching on airplane mode which can be switched off anytime I should just schedule a detox for everyday then it’ll be easier. But bro I tried this once, I just delete the scheduled detox when I am not sleepy :sweat_smile:.
Restrictions never work, what works is a mindset change. I’ll try this though.

Actually bro, my parents aren’t also expecting a lot :sweat_smile:, they know it’s the first interview and they know the difficulty level so they are also taking it pretty lightly.
It’s all just in my head.
They were even offering to go with me, it’s just I who told them not to.

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It’s better to be with a companion beside you

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Same opinion but it’s all on you. Ita your choice

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Well it’s in Mumbai bro, and BARC people (the organization where I have interview) are providing accommodation to only one person and that would be me only :joy:, apart from this travel allowance will also be given just for one person, so if my parents go with me they have to search for separate accommodation there and there will be a lot of extra expenditure, so it’s a pretty obvious choice that I have to go on my own, I am a grown up 24 year old adult man :joy:, I can’t expect my parents to go with me everywhere that would be just stupid.
And over that there’s actually nothing to worry about I am a responsible guy, I have been worrying unnecessarily, and regarding studies as well I am already well versed with concepts, I have no ifea why the hell am I worrying :sweat_smile::joy:, I’ll just do quick revision in next few days and I’ll be good to go.

But thanks for your concern bois.

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From your previous replies I concluded that you should go with someone otherwise I think you are going to be fine after 2 weeks

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yeah agreed , I lost my track completely in the last few months but when I have started community work , I have been doing a lot better . A few simple changes in your technique , and your improve a whole lot of things .

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No worries , start again!

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Yeah I still have two weeks for the interview, it’s actually good amount of time.

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True true.

Thanks bhai :pray:

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Day 0

  1. Study
  2. Sleeping before/around 12:00 am last night
  3. :white_check_mark:Gratefulness journal
  4. :white_check_mark:Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
  5. :white_check_mark:Workout: 20 min
  6. :white_check_mark:Prayer
  7. :white_check_mark:Affirmations, Visualisation
  8. :white_check_mark:Reading and contemplating the daily stoic
  9. :white_check_mark:Reading Bhagawad Gita
  10. :white_check_mark:Cold shower
  11. No daytime nap: 25 min nap
  12. :white_check_mark:Meditation: 10 min
  13. No internet till dinner except for studies/important matters: Just 2 hours detox
  14. No Sugar: Had some sweet rice
  15. :white_check_mark:Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day

I have scheduled a detox for everyday which starts at 11:15 pm till morning. I’ll set detox for the daytime as well everyday like I do usually, apart from this I realised that I have been watching a situational comedy show since quite some time, almost 5-6 months now one episode per day, it has some sexual references here and there, it was fine on a good streak but it isn’t in initial days, I was thinking I’d finish it and then think about it because I am already on 2nd last season but things are getting out of control so I am cutting it out, I am starting watching Ramayana instead :joy:.
Apart from this, didn’t study today, spend most of the time chatting and all, after dinner I made a plan for upcoming days, I still have 10 solid days for preparation and I just need to cover about 3-4 subjects, I am planning ti revise my short notes of these subjects in next three to four days so that I don’t have to worry about not being able to cover the syllabus, I’ll watch a few video lectures and some interview experiences after that. :v:
Oh and I am thinking of cutting out easypeasy too for a few days so as to not think about pmoing and all on a daily basis :sweat_smile:, I already have good knowledge of the book.

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Day 1

  1. :white_check_mark:Study: 6 hrs
  2. :white_check_mark:Sleeping before/around 12:00 am last night
  3. :white_check_mark:Gratefulness journal
  4. :white_check_mark:Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
  5. :white_check_mark:Workout: 25 min
  6. :white_check_mark:Prayer
  7. :white_check_mark:Affirmations, Visualisation
  8. :white_check_mark:Reading and contemplating the daily stoic
  9. :white_check_mark:Reading Bhagawad Gita
  10. :white_check_mark:Cold shower
  11. :white_check_mark:No daytime nap
  12. :white_check_mark:Meditation: 20 min
  13. :white_check_mark:No internet till dinner except for studies/important matters
  14. No Sugar
  15. :white_check_mark:Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day

During the daytime after lunch when I had been sleeping for a few days I had some intense urges, thankfully my phone was on detox, I just had my MI music player, my brain tricked me to search something there but thankfully again didn’t find anything. After that I meditated, had some water, listened to a bhajan and went back to studying.
I didn’t have anything sugary till dinner but my grandma went to some relatives to day morning, she returned just around dinner time and brought some sweets, everyone was having them and praising the sweets continuously so I also had some :man_facepalming::joy:.
After dinner I watched the your brain on porn YouTube series having 6 parts of about 5-6 minutes each, I took notes as well, it was pretty great, most of the stuff I already knew but it had really good explanations of how the part of brain related to addiction works, totally worth watching.
Anyway now I have just about 20 minutes before my next detox starts :joy: and tbh I am actually grateful for it.

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Yeah, sometimes my family morally force me to eat saying iss baar toh boht acchi mithai aayi hai :joy::joy: aur saab tareef karein jaa rahein hai

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Yuss the same thing happened to me :joy:, even my sister was eating it, while we both stay away from sugar as much as possible. They left me no choice :joy:

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