(24 M) Another old Diary

jarjar · May 10, 2022, 10:36am

I was actually one of the tallest students in high school, it was quite noticeable especially when playing basketball.

The_integrous_one · May 10, 2022, 10:45am

Man you have a boon , 190 is so damn tall, you should have aimed for a career in basketball.
I am very good at basketball but I am just around 180 cms

The_Ambitious_One · May 10, 2022, 11:03am

No worries , there’s nothing to worry upon until you keep going . One day we all shall make it . Start again

The_Ambitious_One · May 10, 2022, 11:05am

yeah no doubts . I have read a lot of old as well as new age DC comics and have been following the cinematic universe until recently when they confirmed that there’s gonna be a complete reboot with FLASHPOINT (2023) . I it gave up for ever

The_integrous_one · May 10, 2022, 11:23am

I had no idea about that, lol.
But yeah the extended version of Justice League was great and I also liked the new Batman movie. DC does have good potential stories but they aren’t making proper use of them.

anon6586404 · May 10, 2022, 1:18pm

Great decision bruhh… require guts

The_integrous_one · May 10, 2022, 1:21pm

It did actually , I looked at all my uploaded pictures for sometime, then realized what’s the point of clinging to these past memories, they bring nostalgia and sadness associated with it and nothing else, I chose the option to download my data, then deleted the account.

The_integrous_one · May 10, 2022, 4:54pm

Day 0

Study
Sleeping before/around 12am last night
Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
Workout: 45 min
Prayer
Affirmations, Visualisation
Reading and contemplating the daily stoic
Reading Bhagawad Gita
Cold shower
Meditation: 20 min
No daytime nap
No internet till dinner except for studies/important matters
No Sugar: Had one small chocolate
Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
Listening to easy peasy (Back to basics lol, I need to figure this out tho)

So today I had an argument with my mother, it was actually about a petty thing, my father gave me some taunt and things escalated from there, I wasn’t in a state where I could handle even such minor issues, the argument wasn’t that big but then I cried, yes cried in front of everyone , we talked all of it out and it cooled down, my mother said I used to be always calm what happened today all of a sudden, I said some other stress might have caused me to behave thos way, she asked what other stress, I opened up about how I have to travel all over the country, and then appear for interviews, and over that keep preparing side by side, I actually didn’t realize it was a stress but it actually is. But then I told her actual reason is that I didn’t take good sleep last night and because of that I couldn’t study today, of course I couldn’t tell why I messed up my sleep, but yeah I cried a lot and almost let everything out . Man this mf pmo got me this down, I was not myself at all today, it’s like some weak sissy alter ego, my mind had become so fragile I couldn’t take a minor comment and my father is always passing such comments, it was nothing in front of them . But anyway I have to get a hold of myself, praying to God to set me on right path.

prothekter_aden · May 10, 2022, 4:56pm

Happens bro sometimes you just can’t take it anymore and it comes out in the form of aggression.

The_integrous_one · May 10, 2022, 4:58pm

Bro I actually never get annoyed from minor incidents it’s totally upon me, I wrecked my brain last night and had to face the consequences. Now my parents will be unnecessarily worried about me .

prothekter_aden · May 10, 2022, 5:11pm

Dude dude take a chill pill. U need to relax bro. As you said you’re stressed. So u need to use stress management methods!
Try lifting dumbbells for some time, they are hella effective.

The_integrous_one · May 10, 2022, 6:15pm

I did some pushups.
Then I talked to one of my friends, it was about 1hr and 10 minutes .
But my mind still feels wrecked, good sleep productivity are only things now that can get me back to sanity.

anon6586404 · May 10, 2022, 6:34pm

Damm man this line hits…take care bruhh all be fine
.loose some stress ur stressing for nothing.

You are already on right path bruhh…right path is all filled up with ups and down.hold urself u will be fine.
All the best…

The_Ambitious_One · May 11, 2022, 1:33am

Its normal . Before my last relapse , I was preparing for an entrance exam for a new school . I had to revise everything I had studied the previous year and learn a few new things too . I generally don’t face difficulties in heavy burden studies but that time I had relapsed 2 days ago . I couldn’t remember anything or learn any new things . I revised it again and again only to forget it another time . I anyhow had to crack the entrance and I was frightened by the though if I would not be able to do it . Things went so difficult that I broke down in tears while studying in front of my parents . I never ever did something like that before . Study was the only the thing that I could do flawlessly but yeah…

The_integrous_one · May 11, 2022, 5:16pm

Thanks bro , all the best to you too

Lol so almost the same situation as me . Relatable.

The_integrous_one · May 11, 2022, 5:16pm

Day 1

Study: 3 hrs 11 min
Putting mobile phone on airplane mode around 11:15 pm last night: I’ll be following this today onwards, and I think my sleep schedule will be fixed if I manage to follow this.
Sleeping before/around 12am last night: Around 1
Practice Gratefulness
Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
Morning meditation: 10 min
Workout: 50 min
Prayer
Affirmations, Visualisation
Reading and contemplating the daily stoic
Reading Bhagawad Gita
Cold shower
Evening meditation: 15 min
No internet till dinner except for studies/important matters
No Sugar: Had one tea spoon honey with milk but it’s healthy so no issues, I am thinking of doing this daily so my actual sugar needs are fulfilled and I don’t crave sugar.
Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
Listening to easy peasy

Added few more things to my list, removed no daytime nap condition for a few days because I’m planning to sleep on time (12-8) and I’d not been doing that for quite some time now, I might feel sleepy in the day, I’ll take a power nap at that time, if I am not able to manage this I’ll add that condition again.
Today for most of the time my phone was on airplane mode, didn’t put my phone on detox but I just had no mood at all to use mobile, just used it for productive purposes, slept without an alarm last night, slept for 9hrs 15 min at night then about 35-40 min in day, it was rejuvenating, staying away from phone and following my tasks properly also helped quite a bit. In the evening as soon as my mind started producing urges I felt like going inside myself and punching that little monster to death , after what I had gone through yesterday and today I’d be just plain stupid to fall for its tricks.
Didn’t study a lot but didn’t waste anytime either, used the rest time to work on myself properly and cover up the lost sleep. Made a few changes, let’s see how things workout .

The_integrous_one · May 12, 2022, 5:15pm

Day 2

Study: 5hrs 44 min
Putting mobile phone on airplane mode around 11:15 pm last night
Sleeping before/around 12am last night
Practice Gratefulness
Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
Morning meditation: 10 min
Workout: 35 min
Prayer
Affirmations, Visualisation
Reading and contemplating the daily stoic
Reading Bhagawad Gita
Cold shower
Evening meditation: 15 min
No internet till dinner except for studies/important matters
No Sugar
Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
Listening to easy peasy

I was having some urges in the evening, this might sound weird but I tried talking to the addictive part of myself which was producing urges, it was like I gave myself some genuine advices, and my brain got convinced as well, urges significantly reduced after that, deactivating insta also played a good role here, oh and because of turning my phone to airplane mode I slept and woke up on time, will continue following this, if I ever falter I’ll just continue to get back on track .

the_resilient_one · May 12, 2022, 5:54pm

Alright!

So lemme tell you something.
Topic is Default State -

We all have our default mode with us.
For ex - Fight or flight response. Both these reactions are by default built in us when we face a threatening situation.

Similarly, for every scenario we have default behaviour built in us…
Situations like -

When we are damn hungry
When we are alone
When we see our crush suddenly
When we see some triggering content

We do act with our minds without using our intelligence due to 2 reasons(there may be more) -

Not enough time to think (sudden triggering content)
Not willing enough to think (extreme hunger)

Sometimes both reasons work simultaneously as well…

Default mode basically is some set of actions that we have learned to perform under some situations.
Yess, its learned…and whatever we have learned, if not undo, we can definetely replace that.

To change default actions is not easy. We have to get to the core of that action and know its cause, think of a new strategy & practice beforehand.

Practice is a key…make the replacement habit like a muscle memory…
It should become your Default action to that particular situation…

PMO is your learned default action to some/many situations.
Know those situations and replace it other actions one by one…
You are gonna need default actions anyways…
Only extremely disciplined people like Army Commandos…can overcome the tendency of using Default Action…that too even they can’t perfect it…

So an efficient way is to replace default habits with better ones.

I hope @The_integrous_one and @Strong_one get some insights through this!

debellator · May 12, 2022, 6:46pm

Default mode means habit, if that helps.

Strong_one · May 12, 2022, 7:03pm

Thanks bro. For the help