[24 M] PS's Diary

This will be my diary where I’ll update my daily thoughts and activities. This will be different from old diary, where I had discussed a lot of unnecessary things, personal details etc… This will be solely focussed on my daily activities.

Also, I’ll try to shorten my posts and messages, as I have a habit to write very long and detailed posts, and nobody has the patience to read a 5- page essay everyday. LOL

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Yeah bro :rofl:, I skipped some of your posts because they were too long.

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Thursday, 04th February, 2021
12:06 PM
Woke up at 3:50. Stayed in bed till 6:00, without doing anything. Just closing my eyes and feeling breatheless was what I did in those 2 hours.
Went to gym around 7, came back by 10:00.
Bathed and ate.
Now in the bed, trying to relax as I feel tired and drowsy.
Its weird how I’m feeling drowsy and insomniac at the same time. Our body and mind can become so cruel towards us at times.
In the end, I picked up my phone to write here.
Thats it. Life is a story of several dilemmas for me. But, I’ll stay and see what happens next.

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You were not the only one :sweat_smile:. There were some guys who’d ask me the things , about which I had already written in my diary. But that’s fine. I can understand.

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So, you’re doing the workout regularly now?

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Yes, I’ve been doing it regularly since January (28th December to be specific).

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It keeps both our mind and body fresh. Must do for lifetime.

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Yes bro. Thats true. I always do some exercises or atleast light workouts whenever I’d find time, otherwise my brain won’t work properly. It was only in between August-December last year , when I completely had to wuit working out for studies. So, in the end I had to rejoin a gym. :slight_smile:

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:rofl::rofl:, I love how you are addressing her as ( air quotes) acquaintance.

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Yeah, because I’m not sure what else should I call her right now. But yes, she is the closest to what is called a friend. I guess, we 2 just communicate because we have noone else to share our thoughts with. I mean, her boyfriend came much later than me and probably hasn’t been able to understand her as well, yet. We both think and write a lot, so its easier to share these things with each other, as there is noone else in our lives to tell these things about tbh. But still she’s somewhere between an acquaintance and friend.

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Just because she is someone else’s girlfriend, it doesn’t mean she can not be friends with you bro. She is your friend, don’t reduce her to just acquaintance :joy:, I am afraid that you might call me just acquaintance, if I don’t reply to your posts enough.

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Bro, I won’t say things that I don’t mean. I don’t want anybody to feel bad about this, but I don’t consider anyone a friend as of now. And no, there is no fault in anyone else, its in me. I’ve mentioned this before that I have issues trusting anyone, and friendship does require a lot of trust. You can say that my difference between “friends” and “close acquaintances” is what is the difference between “best friends” and “just friends” for others.
And no, it doesn’t have to do anything with you liking to or replying to my posts. :rofl: Neither does it has to do anything with her being someone else’s gf. I’ve turned her down years ago before this guy came in her life.

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:joy::joy::joy:I know bro, I was just kidding, trying to make you laugh :joy:

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Damn we have a stud boy here :joy:, turning down girls like that :fire:

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Yeah, everyone can get proposals on internet. Its real life that matters, and irl girls don’t even take notice of my existence. :rofl::rofl: Meanwhile, You have got girl friends.

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:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:, no girlfriends bro, just some girls who are friends, or in your terms close aquaintances.

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Yes bro, I only meant that. That was why there was a space between girl and friends (friends which are girls). Just to tease you bro. :grin:

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Oh ok :joy:, let’s sleep now, it’s getting late, good night brother, take care!

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Had a nightfall this morning. It was weird because this was the first time in my life when I had a nightfall and I didn’t even feel it , neither do I even remember dreaming any raunchy dream. The only dream that I can remember was the one in which I was doing calisthenics (can only do that in dreams LOL). But that was the last dream and I woke up immediately after that, zo I don’t know how this nightfall happened. I was kind of sad about this in the morning, but anyways. I also slept only 5 hours last night. Ohh, around 4-5, I remember I caught my hands inside my pants when I woke up for few minutes and I instantly pulled it out. But I can’t remember of any ejaculation till then or even putting it back in pants after that. I haven’t seen porn in 21 days, haven’t masturbated in over 2 weeks and have even refrained from thinking anything remotely sexual in last 13-14 days, still I had a nightfall. This is bothering me tbh. I’ll get some sleep now. Probably, that’ll help.

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There are times when I’d crave for intimacy. It happens very often. Not necessarily something physical. But at the same time, I can’t think of myself being with anyone for the rest of my life. The most that I can feel for a female is lust. First, I don’t even feel attracted to 95% of the females I see around me (and I bet 100% of them don’t feel attracted to me either, LOL) . And second, even when I do, it just stops at objectifying them. Plus, introversion and extreme shyness don’t help either. I remember someone telling me that onanism would be the only thing I’ll ever get good at, LOL, but I’m fighting hard to be bad at that as well. Its a wonderful life.
I’m just writing this up here as I was having urges and was thinking about different stupid things.

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