[24 M] Neo's Journey: From a Loser to a Legend

This is my diary to track my Relapse data and analyse my pattern/mistakes. Also I track my daily routine tasks streak here.

Information about me:
Sharing code: 2wrhba
Country: :india:
Highest Streak: 39 days

My addiction: I have been doing MO from 17 years, I do not remember my first relapse but I clearly remember that when I was 7 or 8 year old, at that age… I do MO in washroom… P comes in my life at later stage…

My Aim of doing NF: In my opinion, NoFap is a lifestyle…

  • That lifestyle when we see girls with respect and also do not get aroused/triggered by just a romantic scene in a movie etc. …A Healthy Mind…or I want to call it…MENTALLY FIT.

  • That lifestyle in which we rise up in morning and feel a spark… zeal in us to chase our dreams…our goals…also we enjoy that thing…A DISCIPLINED LIFESTYLE.… DISCIPLINE IS MOST IMPORTANT THING TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL.

  • God made us with genitals only to reproduce offspring…just like any other living being (animal etc) does on the planet earth… but we human beings are having brain with immense powers… so we do Sex for pleasure (most of the times)… and to reproduce offspring (some times)…but till here… I feel it’s ok… but doing PMO…is fucking pathetic…awful… we misusing God’s gift and the wonderful thing is… only will be responsible for our condition…PMO AFFECT ONLY THAT PERSON…WHO DOES IT…HIS LIFE…HIS BRAIN…HIS CREATIVITY…HIS FUTURE…HIS RELATIONS…EVERYTHING…it is obvious…if we misuse something then we have to face repercussions too.

March

17 march 2020

I relapsed 7 times in last 3 days and 16 times in march till now. ( last 17 days):expressionless::confused:… I am starting this diary… to track my nofap journey…

My target is to hold relapse for 15 days(atleast)…for now

Total relapses in March: 20


April

25/3/20 to 5/4/20… Streak 11 days (highest till now)

5/4/20…6/4/20…7/4/20… Relapsed (chaser effect)

Total relapses in April: 18


My Relapse data

My relapse data

IMG_20200505_180205


May

1/5/20…2/5/20…3/5/20… Relapsed (chaser)
{Now Target is… NoFapForever}

5/5/20 to 14/6/20… Streak… 39 days (Highest till now)

Total relapses in May: 6


ANALYSIS: Trying to look beyond PMO ( Did on 9th May 2020)

Trying to look beyond PMO

Today I analysed this as my friend suggested me. So I gave rating to every area he suggested.

4 Very Happy - There is nothing I would change about this area of my life
3 Happy - Things are great but I would change a few things
2 Unhappy - Things are bad but there are some things I like
1 Very Unhappy - I wish I could change everything about this area of my life

Health: 3
In comparison to other guys of my age group… I am better than them but also I am not that much FIT becoz I have not done exercise and go for jogging consistently…
Also I am a little allergic to cold foods.

I have started exercise at home right now and after lock down I will go for jogging with consistency.

Education: 2
I am not happy with it becoz I was a good student in schools but after 10th(Secondary)… I met with some guys who were not serious for studies and I became like them… and as a result… in most important class( 12th standard or senior secondary) i did not perform well… and I could not make it to good universities for graduation.

But as I got some maturity and felt that importance of studies in life… I studied well…again in graduation. Also after graduation now… I am studying and working hard ( this is the result of not worked hard at that time before graduation.)

Carrier: 2
In carrier… I am not settle till now Becoz of average efforts… I blame this addiction for that ( Idk it is a good thing or bad thing to blame it)… I am blaming it on the basis of my analysis of my performance in 2018 and 2019… yes I have performed well in graduation but still it was not that much that can settle a carrier what i wanted for me in a country like INDIA(with huge population and competition)… Due to this addiction I cannot put that much efforts and lost that zeal and enthusiasm in 2019.

But now I am working on it everyday… on studies as well as the reason behind my failure.

Religion: 3
I am happy in this area… but yes I can improve this by connecting it with this addiction and take advantage of it to fight this addiction.

In all religions it has written some where that wasting your semen is bad and also religion told pros and cons of wasting semen… but i never take it seriously… it does not mean i don’t believe in my religion… just i never focused on it… I have a strong feeling in my mind religion and i will try to use it and gain knowledge about what has been told in religious books.

Finances: 3
I am dependent on my parents for it… till now it was good but after graduation it feels bad to take money from them… at this age I should give money to them.

relationships: 3
Relation ship with my family members and my friends is good… also with my Gf… we don’t fight much… only feeling of regret is that I took her into this too.
I am working on it… I am planning how to make her aware about it… and I have decided that after lock down when i will met her then i will talk on this topic separately.

Also she don’t know that I am addicted… she thinks that I only relapse with her…but actually the thing is… I relapse 4 times more than her.
This is my ace card… if she will not take it seriously… i will tell her all truth… obviously she will get hurt as I hide this truth… but still i will do it… this is tough decision.

self image: 2
As I have not achieved much and also becoz of above reasons… this rating is 2.
And I have done some sins that this self image rating is not going to increase that soon… but good thing is… I am considering them as a sin and not going on the same path… which is a sign of improvement… only thing i can do now for those sins is Repentance.

Things i like in me…that I seek improvement everytime… after every failure…now i feel maturity… I don’t want to hurt anyone… I want to be loyal… honest… a man of words.

personal goals: 2
Working on every goal but have not achieved anytone yet.

Hobbies: 1
Very unhappy about this becoz I have no hobbies… Idk why…may be…due this addiction…i did not enjoy any of the other things… i enjoyed playing computer games… but i dont want to call it a Hobby… for me…a hobby is something that is productive.

I used to play chess in childhood and solve rubik’s cube… but I have not pursue them seriously… now again I have started playing Chess and try to play atleast a game of Blitz chess everyday.

Secondly… I will try to make Fitness as a hobby by consistently doing it… I know inside me somewhere( from my observations) I like to do exercise and remain fit.

That’s all about analysis

I know all of it but it is inside me… so there was less clarity… but after writing it… all the things become clear… also while writing… as i was remembering my past… it took me to that time in past and I felt same as i was feeling at that day.

Thank you brother @Forerunner
"Happy people do not relapse"


June

14/6/20…15/6/20… Relapse 2 times only

(Fought with chaser successfully this time by positive thinking and Most importantly Embracing urges… Also 39 days streak gave me a lot of confidence and motivation)

15/6/20 to 29/6/20… 14 days streak

total relapse in June: 3


July

Total relapse in July: 15

29/7/20 to 1/8/20… relapsed 4 times (chaser effect)

Highest streak in July: 10 days (14/7/20 to 24/7/20)

(Again back to the dark zone… same feeling as I was having in starting of this diary {17/3/20}… low confidence… no self esteem


August

Total Relapse: 16

Can’t cross 1 week without Fapping…

(Date: 26, 28, 29, 30) … 2 relapses per day.

It’s look like a Sine wave… WTF!!!

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My feelings: I am having some mix feelings…

  • Why this is so tough…

Ans: Because I am practicing it from 17 years… It has become… kind of permanent thing… This is going to be tough… Not easy… This is the real truth.

  • why I cannot do nofap…

Ans: No… I can do it… But the thing is… There is so many triggers around me… Or my brain see then as a trigger…becoz I am addicted… Everytime I underestimate some things and feel that I can handle this…due to this feeling… I do not call anyone for help…

  • why I cannot control myself… this is my body…my brain… everything should be in my control…

Ans: Everything is in my control… My body what I say to to it… When I fap…actually I am the one who decided to fap… The thing is… I choose wrong pill…it is going to be hard… it is not easy… This is the toughest part to make right choice at right time.

  • everyone is doing it easily… then why I can’t

Ans: EASILY… No… Anyone who do it… only he knows how much efforts he is putting… Everyone’s struggle is hard for them… Nothing comes easy.

  • Am I that much weak… loser…

Ans: No… I am not a loser… But the thing to focus here is… I am not a loser from my thoughts… But Yeah! I am a loser from my actions… These actions are of a loser… From these kind of actions I am not going to achieve my life goals.

  • Only thing I have to do is to follow my schedule but I fail to do it… I cannot keep that 1 simple thing in my mind.

Ans: I always procrastinate first… At the end … when time slips… I try to do remaining tasks… The thing is… This is my real identity… I am always like this … a procrastinator… who always want to relax… and do things at last minute… Just before the deadline.

  • Don’t you want to live the life of your dreams… don’t you want to achieve your goals which take you to your dreams…

Ans: I want to live it… I want to have it… but I don’t want to do hard work for it from inside… I know this not gonna work… I like to think about those dreams only…and if I continue the same pattern then I will only dream it my whole life and then die one day…


I remember 1 quote of eric thomas… If you want to succeed as bad as you want to breath then you will be successful

By practicing this addiction… I’ve developed a pattern…now I want to break that pattern… I am thinking…struggling… To stop it now… That’s how we all human beings are… First we damage things… knowingly… Unknowingly…then we try to cope up with those things… Try to improve those things…

Same thing we did to our nature… And now everyone trying to improve things… When someone dump garbage outside or burn some plastic… I feel disgusting… I feel like these people are illiterate…

But wait… I am doing the same thing to myself…I did it unknowingly and now I am trying to improve myself… think to break that pattern which I developed by doing this shit again and again… but worst thing is… even after knowing everything… still I am doing the same thing…I am ruining my body… My future self… My older age will be in pain due to this addiction…


Measures:

I have analysed my pattern… I identified 3 reasons…one of those is always there in every relapse:

  • My relapse position
  • GF thing
  • Stress
  • Happiness(new)
  • Sadness(new)

I have taken/decided some measures to avoid these things… Only thing left is to take action on them from now…

2 Likes

20/8/20
Day 0


No tasks done… studied 2 hours… feeling good


@neo_150 you have to decide… either you follow the same pattern and remain a loser… or you have to stand up and fight…hustle… and become a legend…

3 Likes

21/8/20
Day 1


Morning:

Hi guys… I am here to tell all of you including me that today I am not going to relapse… You will see in evening that counter will be 1…

MO… ye ghatiya kaam…me nahi karne wala ab… ye meri zindagi mujhse cheen rha h… aaj to nahi… aaj me kuch karu ya na karu…but MO nahi karunga… muje urges feel hogi then I will ask for help…divert my mind and I will make a right choice …which lead to a healthy life.


:white_check_mark: study(3 hours)
:x: other tasks


Night:
Hi… So as I promised in morning… I did not relapsed today… Now I want to tell you and tell my brain that little friend down there… And I am going to sleep now…no fantasizing…no youtube…no phone…No relapse position…not anymore…

Yeah this thing… Relapse position…fuck I am not going to comfort myself in that position… Also that posture is not a healthy one…

You can check my counter… tomorrow’s morning… It will be showing 1… not 0 again… Never

#NoFapForever

7 Likes

22/8/20
Day 2


Morning: My NF streak is 1 now… when I will come in night to update then…It will be 2… I will ensure that today… no relapse position… nothing will change my determination today… NoFapForever


:x: wake up (waked up at 6:30AM)
:white_check_mark: Jogging( I did morning walk)
:white_check_mark: Study(3 hours)
:white_check_mark: NoYoutube
:x: other tasks


Night: after this… I will set alarm… turn of lights…and sleep… No more phone now… No relapse position… No fantasizing… no edging… no relapse…

8 Likes

No feelings down anymore after you decied creating this , step by step you will kill your weakness part …
Go a head you have a millions challenges you didn’t see or enjoy it … don’t waste this discount of your free breath :sweat_smile::muscle:

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23/8/20
Day 3


Morning: I have made good start today…I am not going to ruin it by doing some filthy stuff… so NO RELAPSE POSITION…REMEMBER TO ASK FOR HELP… DON’T UNDERESTIMATE SMALL TRIGGERING CONTENT… DO NOT PROCRASTINATE…ONLY HUSTLE.


:x: Sleep on time(11:40/ 11:30 PM) … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Wake up(5:20/ 5:30 AM) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Jogging(1.5 km…Did sprint running too) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Pranayam … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Study(4/ 4 hrs) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Motivation/information/NF (Motivational) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: English(Vocab YES, Practice YES, Learning NO) … Day 1
:x: Book Reading … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Yoga … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Exercise … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Meditation … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Visualization … Day 1
:x: Affirmation … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Mindful eating(Only Dinner) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Practice mindful living … Day 1
:white_check_mark: No Youtube … Day 1
:x: Chess(Learning…NO, 1 Match…NO) … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Next day planning … Day 1


Feeling quite satisfied… Initially studies bored me but then I enjoyed it at last…today I was quite focused in my work… No time to feel urges… Still need to eliminate Procrastination in morning time.

"Success and rest don’t sleep together"

3 Likes

Must watch this video…(hindi language) but still you can understand it through images he showed.

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24/8/20


Morning Affirmations:
I am a healthy person, who is focused to his life goals and loves to hustle for it… I am PMO free… Today I will complete my studies becoz I am a doer.

And Yeah I forget something…I HATE DOING PMO… Becoz it is filthy…disgusting…awful…pathetic…it make me sick…and make me feel like a loser…
No relapse position…embrace urges…No overconfidence…NO RELAPSE


First Priority Tasks
:x: Sleep on time
:white_check_mark: Wake up
:white_check_mark: Jogging
:white_check_mark: Pranayam
:white_check_mark: Study
:white_check_mark: Meditation
:white_check_mark: Next Day Planning

Second Priority Tasks
:x: Yoga
:x: Exercise
:x: Visualization
:white_check_mark: Affirmations
:white_check_mark: English

Third Priority Tasks
:x: Chess
:x: Book Reading
:x: Motivation/information/NF

Mandatory Tasks
:white_check_mark: Practice Mindful living
:white_check_mark: Mindful Eating
:x: No Youtube


My body is Paining… After dinner I felt Drowsy as hell… I have to fix my sleeping time… also I made these priorities becoz when I do exercise… I do it intensely and left with no energy to do any thing else…This thing also hampers my study(the important thing)…

4 Likes

25/8/20


Morning affirmations: I am working for my goals, God helped me always and still he is helping me…giving me new opportunities, Now I have to decide to do my best and grab those opportunities… I am doing the same… God is with me.

“BHAGWAN HUMARE LIYE KAAM NAHI KARTA HAI, BHAGWAN HUMARE SATH KAAM KARTA HAI…JAB HUM KAAM KARTE HAI TO WO BHI KAAM KRTA H… HUMKO ACHI DISHA DIKHATA HAI…”


Took a rest day today… also I had some work to do…


Night update: I am updating it today…Y’day Extreme urges hit at night… I was going with the flow… but as soon as I recognize I am in relapse position… I take measures… and said only 1 thing to myself…“If I go 1 more step further…and underestimate this… then I will end up in relapse…and regret…shameful…a loser.”

I relaxed only for 1 day…even not for whole day…only from evening to night… and I was almost there… I have to remind myself all the reasons daily… so that when I face this type of situation…my brain can reflect my Why… Why I am doing NoFap…

My mistake was…I break my rule…I followed that pattern again…

3 Likes

Great thought…:smile:

3 Likes

Relapsed… after 6 days…

Not in mood to write anything… just trying to think positive.

2 Likes

1 Like

:dart: Mandatory Tasks
:white_check_mark: NF(1/3) … Day 1
:x: Practice Mindful Living … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Mindful Eating(1/2) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: No Junk Youtube … Day 1
:white_check_mark: No Relapse Position … Day 1
:white_check_mark: No Triggering Content … Day 1
:white_check_mark: No Dirty Talk … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Daily Task(M,W,B)- 2/3 … Day 1

:dart: First Priority Tasks
:x: Sleep on time (12 ) … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Wake Up(5:30 AM) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Morning Walk (2 Km) … Day 1
:x: Pranayam … Day 0
:x: Study 1/4 … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Work (3 hours) … Day 1
:x: Meditation(M,E) 2/2 … Day 0
:x: English(L,V,P) 3/3 … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Next Day Planning … Day 1

:dart: Second Priority Tasks
:x: Yoga … Day 0
:x: Exercise … Day 0
:x: Visualization … Day 0
:x: Affirmations … Day 0

:dart: Third Priority Tasks
:x: Chess(L,P) 2/2 … Day 0
:x: Book Reading … Day 0
:x: Motivation/Information/NF/Reasons … Day 0


1 Like

:dart: Mandatory Tasks
:white_check_mark: NF(2/3) … Day 2
:x: Practice Mindful Living … Day 0
:x: Mindful Eating(0/2) … Day 0
:white_check_mark: No Junk Youtube … Day 2
:white_check_mark: No Relapse Position … Day 2
:white_check_mark: No Triggering Content … Day 2
:white_check_mark: No Dirty Talk … Day 2
:white_check_mark: Daily Task(M,W,B)- 2/3 … Day 2

:dart: First Priority Tasks
:white_check_mark: Sleep on time (11:30 ) … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Wake Up(5 AM) … Day 2
:white_check_mark: Jogging (2 Km) … Day 2
:white_check_mark: Pranayam … Day 1
:x: Study 2/4 … Day 0
:white_check_mark: Work (4 hours) … Day 2
:white_check_mark: meditation(M,E) 1/2 … Day 1
:white_check_mark: English(L,V,P) 1/3 … Day 1
:white_check_mark: Next Day Planning … Day 2

:dart: Second Priority Tasks
:x: Yoga … Day 0
:x: Exercise … Day 0
:x: Visualization … Day 0
:x: Affirmations … Day 0

:dart: Third Priority Tasks
:x: Chess(L,P) 2/2 … Day 0
:x: Book Reading … Day 0
:x: Motivation/Information/NF/Reasons … Day 0

2 Likes

7/10/20

NF: Day 1
:x: Wake up
:x: Jogging
:x: Pranayam
:white_check_mark: Study (Not recorded)
:x: English (Learn- N; Practice- N)
:x: Exercise
:x: Yoga
:x: Meditation
:x: Visualisation
:white_check_mark: Tomorrow’s planning

1 Like

We’re together for a very new long streak!

For sure! We are not relapsing for 2020 anymore.

1 Like

8/10/20

:white_check_mark: NF (Day 2)
:x: Practice Mindful Living
:x: Mindful Eating
:x: No Junk Youtube
:white_check_mark: No Relapse Position
:x: No Triggering Content
:white_check_mark: No Dirty Talk
:x: Daily Task(M,W,B) : M- x

:white_check_mark: Sleep on time
:x: Wake up
:x: Jogging
:x: Pranayam
:white_check_mark: Study (Not recorded… 4-5hrs)
:x: English (Learn- N; Practice- N)
:x: Exercise
:x: Yoga
:x: Meditation
:x: Visualisation
:white_check_mark: Tomorrow’s planning

4 Likes

9/10/20

:x: NF (Day 0) - Relapsed Y’Day night
:x: Mindful Eating (L: Y, D: N )
:x: No Junk Youtube
:x: No Relapse Position
:x: No Triggering Content
:white_check_mark: No Dirty Talk
:x: Daily Task(M,W,B) : M- x; B-x

:x: Sleep on time
:x: Wake up
:x: Jogging
:x: Pranayam
:white_check_mark: Study/Study Related work (7 hrs )
:x: English (Learn- N; Practice- N)
:white_check_mark: Exercise(Walk)
:x: Yoga
:x: Meditation
:x: Visualisation/Affirmation
:white_check_mark: Tomorrow’s planning

Bro… Stand up and take challenges… We are in same Age Group
Plz Get out from chasing Effect… The Main Reason for Repeated failure is Mobile addiction
First you should fix it

2 Likes