Damn I had no idea who Zayn Saifi is 
.
I thought you were talking about Zayn Malik.
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Bhai Zayn Malik omfo thodi bolega 
Itna high standard nhi Jana tha
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he speaks hindi too, usne bhi ek do Hindi gaane gaae hain toh I thought kya pta.
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Ha aati to h…
Par m usko imagine ni kr pa rha omfo Bolte hue …
Thoda wierd ho Jayega…
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Yeah
That’s why I was confused. Aur doosre vaale Zayn ka naam toh aaj hi suna hai pehli baar
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A jao bhai aa jao!!!
Main khud vaha pe aaunga tumhara swagat karne though I’m in pune
In advance but still: Welcome to Maharashtra 
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Han bhai exams bhi khatam ho jaaenge tab toh tumhaare , aa jaana pkka.
Thanks thanks, there’s still almost a month though
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Day: 10
- Study: 3h11m
- Sleeping before/around 12am last night: Around 1:30
, I was sleepy but then one of my friends messaged me after a long time and we ended up chatting till 1:30 -
Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night -
Workout: 35 min + 1 hr basketball
-
Prayer
-
Affirmations, Visualisation
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Reading and contemplating the daily stoic
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Reading Bhagawad Gita
-
Cold shower
-
Meditation: 15 min
-
No daytime nap
-
No internet till dinner except for studies/important matters
- No Sugar: Need to focus here
-
Shutdown Ritual/ planning for the next day
-
Listening to easy peasy: I finished the audio book again and I was a little skeptical about whether I should start it again, I thought that I’ll just start and then decide, and man I remembered how good the initial half of the book is , it’s totally worth reading/ listening to everytime and also I am not sure regarding starting reading/ listening to something new at this point in my life, so let’s go with easy peasy again
.
Today felt like a good day overall, I did proper research on how to prepare for BARC interview, then arranged literally all of the material I could arrange from different sites and all, including old interview experiences, then I started my preparation, feels good. One good thing is that BARC is scientific organization so I don’t have to mug up things, I just have to develop scientific thinking and good understanding of concepts which actually makes the preparation interesting, not getting my hopes too up but I am already excited .
In the evening I went to play, just me and my friend were there, we played one on one, I didn’t do much running, didn’t even put much pressure on my foot, I was mostly standing and shooting threes recklessly , we played two matches, I won 50-10 and 50-17 
.
I didn’t use mobile whole day.
That’s about it, now I’ll chill for a little while then sleep.
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Either you are Steph Curry’s guru or your friend doesn’t know how to play 
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Well I am good at shooting, my friend knows how to play but he didn’t play for 1 month so his stamina was low, also he isn’t that great a player.
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Day: 11
- Study: 2h5m
-
Sleeping before/around 12am last night
-
Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
-
Workout: 35-40m
-
Prayer
-
Affirmations, Visualisation
-
Reading and contemplating the daily stoic
-
Reading Bhagawad Gita
-
Cold shower
-
Meditation: 20 min
- No daytime nap: 1 hour nap
-
No internet till dinner except for studies/important matters
-
No Sugar
-
Shutdown Ritual/ planning for the next day
-
Listening to easy peasy
I had a nightfall last night along with a dream where I was breaking my streak deliberately, most horrible dream of all especially because it can actually come true at anytime, I slept on time last night, woke up around 8, I was feeling quite lethargic throughout the day, studied for sometime but I need to do much more, faced a lot of urges , it became somewhat better after evening, and also I was feeling hungry all day for some reason , slept for 1 hour in the day even though I slept for almost 8 hrs at night, Overall okish day. For now excited to watch the last episode of moonknight.
I really have been facing very very strong urges, I can feel how I reopened the chain of addiction with the last relapse, I can’t afford to relapse but it’s hard to face the urges at the same time, I know if I choose to relapse, these feelings will hit me even stronger but my mind is tricking me, this all is upon me only, I have to face it anyhow now, one stupid mistake and there goes few months in gaining back your composure, same happened with me last year but I did the same mistake again 
, don’t know what it takes to learn. mind is a bi*ch
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If you relapse after a long streak you obviously get emotionally weak. You do months of hardwork and it just take 1 relapse to get back to zero. So unfair.
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Yess bro, people say everything doesn’t go back to zero, and it actually doesn’t, but the urges and everything, uncontrollable, one slip and mind falls back in the addiction cycle 
, we are trying so hard for it to recover but it does everything in its power to not recover .
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Same happened with last night . I was watching ■■■■ and fapping in my dream because of which I had a little nightfall . Idk why does it happen even if we watch nothing bad .
Uhhh , how long will it take to cure , I am so exhausted 
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I can feel that bro. I was cursing yesterday for this unfair process.
We have to fight our whole life with these distractions and even fail sometimes…
Why this had to happen. We are determined to not break our cycle but our own mind is there for fighting against us.
I hope this long fight gives an equal reward…
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It will , it has to 
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5th May
I slipped again, and very badly 
. This has gotten out of control now, I need to look for real solutions to this.
I can’t keep on going this way, I myself know some good tricks how to not fall for it but when addiction takes over all of it goes to zero, I’ll have to get my mind updated again against this addiction by watching some videos that have helped me in the past. Already regretting the day being wasted , why is it this way, damn it.
I was actually thinking of not posting about it here because there are so many people on the forum who are looking up to me and my slip up might cause an avalanche effect again which I really don’t want but it’s literally impossible to handle this on my own, that’s why the forum, so sharing it anyway.
Even when I am well versed with the addiction and everything still the monster inside is alive and active, I need to remove it from the root but everytime I think I have done that I again come back at some point 
.
I am sick of this shit, and I am more desperate than ever now to find a solution to put an end to this once and for all.
And now I think I can’t even use Spotify for a few days because I came across darside of it, I hope no one comes across that. Nothing is free from stupidity.
Even the book easy peasy was triggering me yesterday, I am feeling there’s something seriously wrong with me.
Anyway thanks for sharing this burden with me .
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That’s what you need . True determination to make this addiction come to an end . After I failed 150 days , it seemed nothing big issue to me but then I fell into chaser effect , relapsed more 5 times in 3 three consecutive weeks . April 3 , the day I last fapped . I had watched ■■■■ whole day and relapsed 3 times . I didn’t sleep to whole night so I don’t relapse while sleeping . But there was a feeling of anger , guilt and shame which gave rise to sheer determination .
You know what do to pretty well .
Keep Fighting
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what 
I thought spotify was safe
It happens , just don’t let the urges take over . I am in similar situation , urges whole night , nightfall in every 2 days , messed up mind , unable to meditate , continuously draining brainpower due to semen loss .
But we still keep fighting because we know there’s no other way . This is what we can do to pay our doings.
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It’s wonderful to put your failures too. So people could know about both the sides.
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