(23) Simon's journey to quit porn and masturbation forever

May 4: I woke up at 8:10 AM and this has to be the most unproductive day i have had since i started the journal.

I had tons of urges as well. I peeked at some things. I was very close to break my streak today. Somehow i survived and didnt relapse. Hopefully this is a wakeup call for me.

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May 5: I woke up around 8 AM and i finally sorted myself out, thinking about what i actually want to achieve and what is important in life. I then proceeded on to a meditation and workout, eating healthy and well and I also went outside for a walk.

No urges today, as expected. Gotta keep myself busy and i will be fine.

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May 6: i woke up at 7 AM and did some stuff for university right away and then took a break to come back later and work for university some more. I couldnt find time to meditate in the morning, but i am satisfied with what i accomplished today.

I, again, had no urges. I will try to keep this up.

May 7: I woke up at 7:30 AM meditated, listened to a lecture and finally started reading the EasyPeasy book. I will give some more updates on the content in this book, but i would definetely encourage all of the people who read my journal (thank you for reading this by the way) to start reading this book as well. I already wrote down some important things from the book that i will read again when i have urges.Talking about urges: I had some today, but i could handle them with patience until they were gone. I also managed to workout in the afternoon.

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May 8: I woke up a little bit later today, at 9 AM. But i was able to meditate shortly after and i did some things in the household today. Still wolud have like to use some time for studying pr reading the EasyPeasy book, but oh well.

No urges today. Feels good to not have them on your days.

May 9: Unfortunately i fell asleep right after i woke up at 8AM. So i got up late today and my morning wasnt very productive. But starting froom noon I actually did alot of things today, so i am quite satisfied with how the day went.

I recall having urges in the afternoon, but i was able to resist them with walking around, going to the toilet and distracting myself.

Looking back at this week, I had alot of failures and successes. A very mixed week overall, only working out two times and having lazy days, but also being very productive on other days. It is all part of the progress though. I will try again and again until i finally succeed.

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May 10: I woke up at 8 AM and had a super productive day with meditation, workout learning for examen as well as all the necessary things that i want to do on a normal day.

Urges? No, just pure satisfaction from what i have accomplished today.

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May 11: I woke up at 7:15 AM and meditated. In the morning i was able to work a little bit for university and then had a lecture in the afternoon. I was fairly productive today.

I had alot of thoughts about why i have urges and why does porn seem to interest me. I concluded that whatever the reason may be, i dont want to deal with porn anyway and that life is so much more than that. I dont need porn in my life,
it gives you nothing except a miserable time on earth.

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May 12: i am approaching my next examen period, so most of the next days will be about learning as much as possible. Including this day, where i woke up at 8AM and did some necessary stuff in the morning and then learned alot for my next examen. I didnt find time for meditation or a workout, but i am still happy with how the day went.

No urges whatsoever today. Not even thoughts about sex.

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May 13: I woke up at 8 AM. I meditated, worked out and did some stuff for university. I went on a bike trip as well, but i was very exhausted after that. So i was less productive for the rest of the day.

I had no urges, but some sexual thoughts.

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May 14: I woke up at 8:30 AM. I didnt meditate and i was less productive today. I didnt like myself in one action that i made today, even though it probably wasnt that big of a deal. I hope, i can forgive myseelf.

No urges occured today though.

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May 15: I was very exhausted again for some reason today, thus being pretty unproductive and tired. I woke up late and stayed up late. I will try to bounce back tomorrow.

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This isnt my entry for today yet. I just wanted to mention that i relapsed. Being very exhausted in the last 3 days or so made me very vulnerable. I started watching pornographic content in the middle of the day and even though i didnt masturbate to it, i will still call this a relapse, because of the feelings i felt after watching it. I feel miserable right now and lost all sense of hope for my future.

My depression has started all over again. I was feeling pretty decent overall in the last couple of days, but today i had an all time low. And how did it happen? Because i watched porn, honestly. There is no other explanation. Porn doesnt give you anything. It only makes you feel terrible after you have watched it

Dont watch porn, folks. I have learned my lesson.

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May 16: Well. I will try to bounce back from today. I know more now than before about my addiction and it should give me the power to overcome upcoming urges better.

My goal for the next week is to somewhat come back to my routine. I have worked out two times this week, but i almost never meditated or went outside.

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May 17: I woke up late today, but i was able to meditate, work out and do important things for the university. I think it was good day overall if i compare it to the last couple of days.



A couple of days ago, i started reading the “Easy Peasy” book. I only read the first couple of chapters so far, but already wrote down some important things, including these 3 pages that i like to share to you. They are filled with questions out of the book and my personal answers (please excuse my writing on these pages, lol). I encourage the people who read this to also start reading some literature about quitting addictions. Maybe you can even post your own notes in this topic. I would be very interested in your experiences. I will also put the link to the EasyPeasy book in my first comment of this topic if you want to start with this book as well.

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Why didn’t you consider it as relapse? Ejaculation is considered strictly as relapse.

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I have seen different people do different ‘modes’ of NoFap roughly distributed in:

Easy Mode: No porn, but sex and masturbation is allowed
Medium Mode: No porn and no masturbation, but sex is allowed
Hard Mode: No porn, sex or masturbation

I have made some personal adjustments to my NoFap rulings though:
Obviously my final goal will be no PMO, but i first want to establish the Easy Mode. I consider anything a relapse that has to do with intentional porn consumption, regardless of me masturbating to it or not. I still try to minimize my masturbation and protocol it here in my journey whenever i masturbate. However, if i have sexual fantasies while i am masturbating i will count it as a relapse as well.

These rules may seem a little bit weird, but i think they have worked fine for me so far. I will change them though when i think i am ready for it. Right now, i am constantly stressed, sometimes the stress so unbearable, that i allow myself to masturbate in these moments.

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I forgot to mention one thing as well: I am a 22 year old virgin, soon i will be 23. So the part with no sex also hasnt been relevant for me.

And: I am currently doing a 30 day NoFap Hardmode challenge with @MaybeStephen.
If i can make it through this challenge comfortably with a good strategy (that i still have to figure out). I will change my objective in this challenge and try to not masturbate as well.

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Yes you are right. May be I was going wrong… I was watching p4rn and was over 50+ days. You know what happens when you consume p4rn without jerking off. Slowly sexual tension build up,and I had objectified my ex which leads to unprecedented relapse which is pretty sad. Yesterday I had reseted my counter to 0 as I had watched p4rn on 2 days streak

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