Well today has been a rough day. It started with the well dreaded relapse… I couldn’t stop my self, ended up doing it for three times
But I have since gathered my senses, I have come here and I plan to stay clean for atleast 6 days, I’m trying to reduce the number of times of relapse in a month. I’ve got to more than five. Now my goal is for 4. Go me!
Well today was a good day, in the sense that I did not relapse, inspite of the urges . The story is, that I was watching the house of cards and in that season, there was a scene consisting of nudity, man was I in trouble. I could not stop thinking about the scene, constantly and before I could relapse, I had a battle within my mind about the benefits of relapse and benefits of not doing so. I realized that it was not worth relapsing, but instead of doing so I should watch a new season, so I went for “how to get away with murder”, spent 25 mins being fascinated and curious about the episode that I was watching and viola, the urges were gone. I felt so happy and wanted to celebrate, so I did (by writting here). I’m sooo happy that I did not give in. I hope that I can use the skill of “you always have a choice” again next time I have an urge.
I think this sums up my journey for today, I hope I can achieve my goal this time
Today was not a very eventfull day in regards to my addiction. I was having a conversation with my addict personality ( yes, you can do that)but it revealed nothing about why I might have started this addiction in the first place. Idk about others but stopping porn and not masturbating, has always been in my best interest, no matter what I did, it was always in my best interest even when it seemed like it was not…
I have had no urges today, for which I’m gratefull. The more I go further into sobriety, the more I realise that it is not the porn that we find interesting, it’s the connection (emotional) which we crave from the opposite sex. Porn somehow provides that, and I have realised after all this time, that I am infact looking for connection, and I pray to God every day that I may find what I seek. That’s it for now
Day 3 :
Well today was no different than yesterday. Although I did get a really good morning wood and even thought about rubbing one out but I quickly dismissed that thought. I learned a new technique in which I slap myself whenever I catch myself fantisizing alot, it really helps me snap out of it. That’s it for today, I’ll come back tomorrow
So today was no different than yesterday. I had zero urges, though I accidently watched a partial love scene and it’s safe to say my “soldier” came to attention lol . Thank God I watched it no further. Other than that I guess I feel more relieved that I am posting here… It kind of takes some sort of pressure off my chest and maybe that is why I have had no urges so far. It is terrifying though because no urges today means more urges are likely to come in the following day. I hope I can survive them
Well today was a little tough than yesterday. I had some urges around 3:00pm but I conquered them by napping . I had various moments where I fantasized but I controlled them by slapping myself to make myself snap back to reality. I must remember that porn is nothing but a fantasy and I must not think that what it has to offer is real and good for me. I was thinking just today that how rediculous is it that we guys gap to digital women who pretend to be enjoying the act while they very well vomit at it… I hope tomorrow will be easier as the more I go without fapping, the more I start to experience fantisizing and feeling more sexual than before. On the final note I feel happier these days because I learnt something about my past feelings. I hope I can stay happy for a few more days . That’s it for today, I’ll be back tomorrow and I wish myself luck!
Today was a little better for me than yesterday because I had little to no urges today. In the mid of the day I did have a few urges but I watched my favourite tv show and the urges were gone in an instant.
The rest of the day was pretty in interesting by the fact that it was not filled with urges and wanting to fap my way to hell, lol but I guess I had a good day with in that respect. On further note, my exams are coming and these will most likely be period of high stress and I hope I can maintain my streak throughout the exams, and if it was not possible, then I would stick to “four relapses a month” plan that I have already set
I know I know, I thought I would last longer, and it wasn’t even the urges that got to me… It was my “plan of relapsing atleast 4 times a week” that got to me…
I have since then made a new plan, I’m going to try to stay clean for 63 days (which is the days it will take for me to finish my exams)
I just felt so sad and terrible after I had relapsed and I couldn’t get over those feelings even when I talked about them. At that moment I wished I had not masturbated at all, I mean I wasn’t even that much interested by porn, but I still did it… That is how strong a grip this addiction has on me.
I also decided to go down the road to 63 days because I realized I was falling deeper and deeper into the addiction, such that to get off I needed to PMO three times, and that I have never done in my entire life!
I just that I can finish this journey with as much dedication as I did when I wanted to lose weight.
That’s it for today, I’ll be back tomorrow
6 days is no easy feat, especially when you’re starting off. I remember when even 1 day felt impossible, so congrats and well done!
Keep trying to push that counter up if your plan is to hit 63 days and don’t beat yourself up about relapsing. Take any day of abstinence as an achievement and learn from mistakes, as long as you keep pushing you’re on the right track.
My advice is that you try refrain from taking even a little peak at a picture or video, because it almost always leads to pmo. Good luck!
Thank you friend for your support! I will keep your advice in my mind
62 days to go (1 day)
Well , today was a bit lazy… I spent so much time on fb I was amazed at how quickly time passed. I have sworn to do anything that I can to reach my goal of 63 days, and I mean anything, no matter how un willing I am. I just wish I could have a magic pill, lol . I know that as days go by it will become increasingly difficult, so I have made a game plan, little scenarios and what I can do in each of them to keep away from PMO. Here goes everything
61 days to go (2 days)
Sooooo I had the most amazing day ever. I had souch fun I was laughing at memes and sending them to my friends and I was having fun . No urges to report today, I just felt nothing sexual, although a few fantasies popped into my head but I got rid of them! I wish everyday was like today . That’s all for today, I’ll be back tomorrow with hopefully, more success
60 days to go (day 3).
I can’t wait for it to be 63 days!
Today was an okay day, I had a little trouble with fantasies but I had no urges at all… . I have started studying again as my exams are approaching, and I hope that I can continue this treks well beyond my exams.originally I had planned to keep the streak as long as the exams lasted, which would be 60 days from now but now I guess, when I reach that goal I will consider going for even bigger targets, such as 100 days or so…
Untill then, my goal is 63 days and I look forward to getting there. I wonder how it would feel, I hope it’s the greatest feeling in the world . That’s it for today, see ya tomorrow!
59 days to go (4 days)
OMG 59 days to go! I’m going towards my goal and it make and sooooooooo happy!
Anyways, today was no better than yesterday, although I had no urges, did accidently get a peak on a intimate scene but quickly averted my eyes.
That though caused some sort of stiffening of my Johnson (very slight) and that means I’m getting sensitive and the next days will be hard af (pun intended ) but it also means that I have to stay vigelente now more than ever and I hope that I do!
God Bless Us All, Ameen
See you tomorrow
Keep going like this bro!!
You will reach your goal eventually.
@Kaizen thanks for the support
58 days to go ( 5 days )
I was sooo happy today, when I knew I was getting closer to my goal, and I hope I will continue like this
Today was a little better than yesterday as I was smilling alot and was so happy . Other than that nothing much occurred… No urges to report and no fantasies
I have created 12 scenarios of things that might make my journey difficult and I have made solutions to everyone of them and I hope to be able to deal with any additional problems in the future, for now I have what I need.
That’s all for today, see you tomorrow
57 days to go ( 6 days)
Welll, today I was so happy, I get so excited everyday when I see the counter go one more day forwards, I believe it is because I see it to mean that I am getting closer and closer to my goal and I feel like I can do it!
I had one or two fantasizing moments but I dodged them and did not experience an urge… I wish I could keep this journey as a urge less journey but I know that is not true, and that it is only going to get tougher from here onwards. I have started praying much more times a day than I did before and I think that helps, further more, I have decided that I will do whatever is necessary to get to my goal of 63 days, wish me luck! And I pray for an easy journey… Well that’s it for today, I’ll come back tomorrow for more stuff bye!
56 days to go ( 7 days)
Okay, sooo I had a good day I guess… Had a few urges but I stayed steadfast and overcame them, wohoo!
Also, these urges have only told me that from here onwards it is only going to get tougher and I need to be carefull if I am going to be successfull. I wish myself luck!
Congrats on day 7 bro!
Keep moving! Next up is the 10 day mark