(21M) Bib's Diary

To have a reason to get back up when you have messed up.

For me one day is messed up, the next day is the fresh one. Like that day is ruined and doesn’t matter anymore. So I mess up more and indulge in those. My reward circuitary takes the mess up as an excuse to indulge more and leave doing things the correct way for the next day.
Particularly things that involve sleep deprivation like using smartphone late into night and seeing porn. And when your sleep is messed up, the next day for sure messes up. Your head is not at all in the game.
This becomes a vicious cycle. And for some minor wins in between, the cycle still continues.
The answer to all these for now that I have found is to slow down.
Slowdown and take each decision very carefully.
That each moment counts, so no matter the amount of time taken, don’t get back into the cycle. Don’t let the reward circuitary cloud your judgement. Slowdown. Really really slowdown. Breathe.
If a relapse happens, double your willpower, determination and keep on moving forward.

This is all very easy to write and while writing this I fear for myself as these all seems coming from a superior person, superior in focus, willpower. But I fear going back into the same cycle. I fear not doing what I have found as the answer.
I fear that of the multiple strategies and philosophies I bring up, I would just be a preacher and not do it.
I hope the answer to our fears is this community.
The community here I think is very awesome. Our support to each other is very vital. I am finding a home that strengthens me while embracing my fear, my lifeless cycle of mediocrity.
Let’s all put our sincere and full focus in getting over addictions and not do this just for a timepass.
Let’s all help and give strength to each other and make each other strong willed with serious determination.
Let’s all embrace our fears and vulnerabilities and triumph over them.
And yes, let’s really really mean what we say like our life depends on this. As I don’t think most of us could anymore take this cycle of mediocrity.


Very true words man!

We have to push ourselves beyond just talking. Anyone can talk about what they should do, but those that are truly victorious over this addiction speak by their actions.

We can all do this, as you said, together:muscle: