[21M] 40 days commitment Shambavi mahamudra dairy

Diary
41 
GROWTH

Day 18
28-OCT-2022
FRI
9:05 PM

for the past 3 days now i am seeing noticeable growth in me both physicaly and mentally

  • how the way i speak to people
  • how i see people
  • how i think
    Why this is so is beacuse i have started applying the 5 tools in my life i remind it every moment
  • i am loving my cycling its giving me great sense wellbeing and also make me feel good about myself

Still confusions arise here and then what if i loose this all one moment. Every time that happen i go back to the knowledge that i got from the voice app
In my imagination I see all the confusions and things that i dont like as ugly creatures who are trying to catch me when ever they come i see myslef as a warrior fighting them with my sword it help me to stay on track without surrendering for all the confusions

The same work with pmo to when some ugly though come in i see them as my enemy and i visualize as clear as i can fighting them some times i even get goosebumps doing that

It works but make sure you do you daily exersise and your kriya every day to support you

1 Like
42

Rewiring

Day-19
29/oct/2022
Sat
9:05PM

Today was a little different from most of my previous weekends
Started the day by doing my kriya i made sure to remember all my 5 tools…after the kriya there was no heating sensation today it felt normal but i am noticing some amout of awarnes coming to me while doing the kriya.

Today i wanted to find some new routes for cycling i was finding it very hard to cycle throw traffic because of the dust and pollution so i went searching for some calm roads found some.

After 1h of cycling i reached back … i was planning to get my to do list done after cycling… but i saw my roomates procrastinating and it gave me that vibe too so i ended up scrolling throw youtube. It was something that i could have easly avoided but i didnt try. I had these old memories of me working on my to do list and never getting it done that thought was there in the background of my mind which i was not aware then but now looking back i know it was there.

So i was seraching about some ai or some thing and out of no where a really triggering thumb nail cathed my eyes it a lot of feeling came on to me i was using my visualization to convince my brain to dont go for it and there was also a part of me teeling me to explore this urge i always wondered what is this thing that make me do the things that i dont want to do it confuses me and find it really important to understand how it works that urge

During that time the urge was so real and my mind was playing tricks on me to fall for the urge ibpayed attention to it and found out that i was recalling lot of the previous experience and feeling that comes as the urge our brain remembers every thing every feeling we went throw every single emotions and when it see some thing that triggers this old memory or feeling it instantly pops up.

Well i relapsed for good i dont want to fight my urges thats the last thing i want to do because i know its a loosing game. But instead of fighting i can train my brain to rewire itself to realise these little pluseres dont have any significants and it will slowly come under your control

So after the relapse when i was back to my senses i started to bring that urge ones more but this time conciously rather than a photo trigering it and it camed i was again doing the same things that i did before it surprised me how much these past experiances of me are controling me. But the secound time i convinced my self to get out of it. I was not feeling guilty or any thing bcz i realized that there is no point in feeling guilty its better to take the responsibility of change. The 5 tools help me in it specially the inevitability of the moment.

These experiances are rewiring my brain bringing new ways of aproching the same problem that i faced for a long time now.

Well after a lot things happening in the evining i went for completing the to do list while on it as usal old feeling of failure came which motivated me to procastinate but thought about the good side of what if i complete all this and it really helped me get it done i dont wanted to just get it done o really wanted to be really successfull in doing it

One of my to do list was to learn MW which i my old things in my brain said " no you cant study but the new me was resisting those badself talks " and i ended up performing really well during this study session i am really enjoying it shambavi and the 5 tools are by each day teaching me to be in the moment

Thats was a really long one good night any way

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43

Beeing in the moment

Day-20
30/oct/2022
Sun

(Missed day 20 entry… i fall a sleep early…writing it on day 21 )

Well today beeing a sunday i decided to do the kriya in the afternoon after i spend some time exercising
So i did just that…

Recently i saw some changes on how i do my kriya rather than trying to constantly bring my mind undercontrol i am trying to focus on all my senses and the present moment while doing the kriya. It was the first time yesterday doing that and the heat was intense it felt soo good.

I even tryed to maintain it throw out the day beeing in the moment … i am starting to notice how much time i live in my mind…thinking about it …its like when we remind of an old experiance we get the feeling associated with that experiance and that single thought control every single hormones in our body…i found my self beeing anxious just because certain memory from the past was coming into my head and it almost feel as real as that moment.
(Thats whats its like to live in the past)

Well afternoon i was trying to be aware as possible to be in the moment while doing the kriya it was different from the afternoon kriya expriance but i am seeing growth

The kriya is really helping me on my studies too…today i wanted to study for my upcoming series exams and for my surprice i was able to understand a lot of concept at ease.
I also applyes many techiniques that i learned throw the luminosity app like short term memory, mental markers etc etc.

I am also using an software called obsidian which is all togather chaging how i learn its making learning a more productive and self developing process

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44

SLEEP

Day-21

So i was wondering why was i feeling so sleepy for the last 2 days i thought about it and checked what changes that i made to my self recently

And i found out that i have been eating more than what i use to eat this was because i started cycling and i wanted to eat a little more than what i used to

I noticed that althow i eat a lot i was not properly chewing the food that i eat hence to much workload for the body and feeling sleepy early.

I read some where that while you eat you will have to chew 24 times so the food we eat will be predijested in our mouth and that will make you feel more energetic

45

Food

Day-22

So todays morning kriya didnt went well as planned i was feeling sleepy and tierd there was no energy so i decided to make some changes in the way i eat to chew the food verry well… i am experimenting with it i want to know if it works its important for the kriya to maintain the body and mind in its best state.

46

Energy

Day 23

So today waking up i felt so tired and there was no motivation to do any thing but i managed to wake up at 5 today

Chewing my food verry well is showing instant results. I feel less lethargic after dinner or lunch and it feels like o have more energy now.

I am starting to notice that the 5 rules are almost becoming a habbit now which is not good need to be aware of it rather than remembering it as an habit

Afternoon cycling ride was great cycled almost 1h in anerobic heart rate zone and it felt sooo good

1 Like
47

Day 24

[Nil]:x::x::x::x:

…

49

Day 25

3-nov-2022
Was really tired yesterday couldint find enough comitment to write down yesterday experiances althow there was a lot going on.

I was confused there was no clarity in my mind afternoon i went with my cycle for the ride but came back fast cuz i was not feeling to ride my mind was telling me to ride and not ride at the same time. So i decided to go back to the room and play Age of empires 2 which my roomate gave me day before.

I got really hooked up to the game i missed my normal time that i used to do my kriya. So i decided to skipped dinner and do my kriya instead. But still the mind was not clear and i ended up in my bed sleeping

Waking up i felt so bad i though about not going to class and take a day off just get back on track but there was some subject i dont wanted to miss today so i decided to go anyway

In the lab there was no techers so i was going throw jk foundation books and i saw a book named
At the feet of the master it inspired me a lot and gave me so much clarity and a purpose. There was so much good expriances associated with it but its hard to put into words so i will skip talking about it.

Any way i really want to read it ones more.

[I am Experiancing lot more than what i write down in this dairy but most of the expreiances are hard to put into words so i keep the dairys showing just the surface level not the inside]

50

New method

Day-26
4/nov/2022

I got about 7h of sleep today. But strangely i was feeling realy tierd passing throw the day i was wondering what was causing it a part of it was due to the fact that i was not wnjoying the classes that much but there was some tierd ness in the body which was physical.

Well i decided to take an half day leave today… coming back from college i browses throw some videos on global cycling network video titled why do you feel tierd all the time
I was suprised to get that video at that moment of time cuz it was so relatble at that moment they sayed the following things causing the tierdness

  • intense exersise without getting proper recovery
    time
  • lacking nutrians
  • Lack of sleep

And the also mention only work out of you meet the following criteria

Sleep>>>>nutrians>>>>>>workout

If you are not getting enough sleep or energy for workout its better to not do it

After that i sleept for a while when i wake up again it was around 5 pm and i was planning to go for cycling i noticed my body was a little tierd today not that i was week i still was able to cycle but there was some thing missing in the body the energy was not there after 30m training i came back

After that i saw some videos on youtube that really inspired me…today i realised that people who inspired me a lot are people like me they feel the same things that i do they go throw lower times in there life
I saw sg in his save soil moment how his body was soo week and still he maintained his comitment for the movment it inspired me a lot since i realised the things that go throw lot of people go thow it too and the point is to come out of it.

While taking a shower today there was so much clarity in my mind i was practising the advices that got from the book in the feet of the master by jiddu krishnamurthi it have me a lot of clarity in my mind. I will mention the things that i understood from that book it only the surface level words so if any one reading my dairy you may not get it its better to read the book by yourself

  • Taking care of the body and mind
  • beeing sensible while talking
  • Making the thinking pattern in such a way that the
    mind work for you

Again i really want to read that book ones more but i thought it will be better to use the tips that i understood and apply it and then read it again to have little more clarity

Well i have a new method for my dairy entries to make sure i am aware of my 5 tools so i will mentions how i used my 5 tools today so i can be more clear about it rather than just thinking about it all the time

51

THE 5 RULES

DAY-26

All the rules are my rules

  • applied it when sitting in my bed and realizing its time to do my kriya and stop watching the video instantly and moving on to get ready for the kriya

I am responsible for every thing

  • applied it when i decided to to choose to decrease my exersise intencity to make sure that i am resposible for my body knowing pushing it to much will negativly effect it

I am not this body i am not this mind

  • Used it when i was taking a shower and was aware about my mind chattering i know it was my mind and tried to keep a distence from it i also tried to bring really positive thoughts about people i find some times issues with (from jk book)

Inevitability of the moment

[Nil]

I am a mother to the world

  • When i was in my room seeing my friends procastinating still making good feeling for them to help them improve
  • failed to use it when walking out from college for cycling and was getting bothered by people around me
2 Likes
52

Day-26

Dairy entered to my personal dairy

…

53

THE 5 RULES

DAY-27

All the rules are my rules

  • used it when i almost forgot to do the kriya and
    remembered it while taking a bath
  • failed to use it when i noticed an urge building up
    and not trying to take a cold shower or changing
    the surrounding
  • used it when i reminded my self about the 5 tools while doing the kriya saying all the things i do are my rules i am doing it for myself and no one os forcing me
    I am responsible for every thing
  • applied it when i damaged my sim card and was looking for a solution instead of desperately trying to do every thing to fix it i became responsible for it

I am not this body i am not this mind

  • Used it when i was doing my kriya

Inevitability of the moment

  • walking for dinner in the morning

I am a mother to the world

  • evening i reminded it myself going outside the room and make sure to be aware of it not just as word but to undestand what it actually means
54

Day-27
I remember the first day i started writing this dairy and writing in my sticky note
You will see the highest of mountain and lowest of the oceans but never give up.
I show signs of deviating from my goals i want to make sure i dont do that

  • voice app
  • 5 tools
  • luminosity
1 Like
55

Awarness

Day-28

[Nil]:x::x::x::x:

…

56

Day- 29

I woke up at 3.30 today yesterday didnt go well i tryed to use my 5 tools but some thing was missing in it.
Today i want to practice the things that i learned in the voice app

57

Day-30
Tue
8/nov/2022

[Started recording my reflection entries into bullet journal app just to keep track of the ideas and undestanding ]

Today morning i had to download some software tools to make my studying a little more passionated and eassy. I was investing time downloading those software thats when i became aware of the thougts that was passing throw me, when i was downloading all these some where in my mind it was saying you are waisting your time. Why are you not using your time for studies it happens in the background of the mind so i had to pay a little attention to get it out. That made me anxious and i noticed how fear was motivating me rather than my passion. Simply beeing aware of that fact that its mind play its not real gave me energy

“Dont let fear motivate you let your passion do it for you”

I recalled how much that i have chaged over these days i forgot some of the things that was in my plan when i started one of the important one was.

To train my cognitive functions to use it as a path to be indipendent but i forgot the purpose of it along the path and i thing now is a really good time to start again. It came to me when i was sitting in my lab doing the experiments with my team and realise i am lacking certain key cognative skills like problem solving and situational awarness

I was trying to also undestand the things which was beeing sayed on the book i read today it talked about having clarity while you speak not to keep on talking silly things which have no conscious using the right words will organise a lot of things from inside the way we view people, listen more than your speak, speak less that a really good way to learn.
Today i was trying to listen to my teammates more rather than jumping into the conversation mindlessly understanding what they speak before speaking.

" If there is no clarity in your world how can there be clarity in your mind and vice-versa "

Peoples response are there personal matter how they respond to you, you are not fully responsible for it when some one is having a bad day they maybe angry or agitated but its eassy for one to get confuse it as aggression towards oneself i saw it today with my friend he was really having a bad day since i was aware i was able to see what there actually was rather imagining things out he was really aggressive towards me but i was able to understand at that instance that i was not having anything to do with it was just that he was having a bad day.

" people just project how they are inside its not always about you "

make sure that there words dont get into your head word are like seed if you accept it and plant it in your mind it will grow (start playing in mind more and more ) and your actions will start to sync with it i noticed it when one of my friends told me how can i not be successfull in my life because you make silly mistakes but i know what i was doing and it was just a comment from his past impressions about me (not beeing a pilot incident in lab).

“Words are like seeds be carefull about what people throw at you”

Today i also understood the importance of fighting for the things that matter to you to keep your passion alive rather than giving up to ignorent people who are just concerened about there survival.

Later this evening i also noticed the same thing as morning while i was studying there where so many past experiances of failure coming to the surface which was bulding up anxity later i understood the importance of voice app on how to distroy this sma walls that i create small lack of confidences.
Mind will show you how you failed doing this thing last time which will make you less passionated for it or triger an anxious responce almost like facing a dangerious situation but the thing is to be aware that these are just suggestions from your barain from past dont try to chase it too much replace it with more postive outlooks voice app is best for it

“Replace the negative thougts with more usefull positive ones”

I also understnad the importance of giving you mind fully for the thing that you do to avoid mind beeing wadering of its own.

“Thougts will feel real dont chase it or try to make changes to it just let it pass and dont get identified with it your are not the body you are not the mind”

Lot of things happended today

  • fear and motivation
  • cognative skills
  • words and clarity of mind
  • its not always about you
  • words are like seeds
  • negative and positive thougts (FFF responce )
  • thougts are not real
2 Likes
58

Day-31
9/nov/2022

Dairy entered to personal collections

[Nil]:x::x::x:

1 Like
59

Reading your I really admire your ability to master self awareness . A tough trait to get grip actually. Also its really inspirational to read at the same time.

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60

A Failed Strategy

Day 32
10/nov/2022

Today i understood that the strategy that i used to study for my internal exam using softwares like onsidian was not that effective and the strategy failed i eneded up not completing enough portions to get even pass mark for the internals its not that i was not commited, lazzy or incompetent simply the strategy failed.
Learning with obsidian is really slow even to simple type down simple ideas with that techniques was really time consuming i was not keeping track of my time and progress which leaded into a really bad study technique.
Since the strategy failed i was a little disappointed with amount of time i spend for my studies all gone in drain…i could feel the failure that made me think about a lot on what could have i done better in the exam hall. I am gald that i am feeling healthier these days its because of this mental balance and health that i was able to recover from my failure and get back on track at ones.
There was so much thought going throw my mind after the exam i return back to my room and started studying for the afternoon exam using my conventional studying techniques althow the conventional studying techniques worked really great for the afternoon exam considering i was only having 2h break betwee exam still i manged to study a lot but i noticed so much compulsive patterns associated with this was of learning while using obsidian i noticed that i was verry much more creative about studying and it felt good it was like replacing passion over competition my conventional studying techniques althow was efficient i found it mostly oriented toward getting marks than passion for learning and the strain on the brain was a little to much.
Any way the exam was ok. Not the best but ok…

reflection

When you are tierd and exausted and your mind is wandering off there is a chance that you tend to deviate from the path because there is no clarity in the mind during these times …but when i reminded me of the fact that all the rules are my rules and every thing that i do is my priorities and thinking how i will face this situation if i was my role model person have me so much confidence and do the things i do with less friction

Its only when you really start to act you will use your tools i realised it when i was starting to study for my tommorows exam and i was thinking what should i do to be successfull in it that made me serach for my tools to apply

Every thought is a response and making sure to keep the brain active by fully beeing active in what you do is really important to stop the mind from wandering off when i was having my dinner today i was trying to practice it i was looking at the food that i eat how the water in the rice was reflcting when i turned it around that made me enjoy the moment i tryed to maintain it for a while and the energy that it gave me was great

“Keeping the mind active throw out the day do some thing to keep your self active”

When ever you start something trust your skills like when you start studying trust that your abilites will be able to finish it on time dont doubt your skills.

Dont doubt your decision even if they end up being wroung dont dout them do it and make changes when necessary these thing will give you confidence

61

Routine

Day-33
11-nov-2022

its really important to put your mind on to the things that you do especially your habbits and routines like brushing your teeth because its on those times the mind wandered off the most. Today morning was i was brushing my teeth and because of yesterays experiance of beeing in the present and to give my self fully to what ever things that i do i decided to brush conciously without the normal patterns i asked my self about how should i brush why am i brushing in the first place its so much of routine pople just do it because its some thing that is tought from childhood well while brushing today i decided to take extra care in cleaning all the teeths carefully looking where there need to be more brushing needed and where a simple touching is enough…instead brushing beeing just a rouitne it was a form of selfcare to me today .

Undertsand that if you are feeling anxious or worried that because you not using your tools you may think that you are using it but you will not be applying for real pause for a sec and check.

  • making the mind active all the time
  • applying the tools
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