[21 M] InquisitiveMind's Diary

Day 2
I feel a lot more self esteem. I don’t feel like a loser. I checked out one hot school girl on Instagram with all seductive photos, but I controlled myself and exited out of the situation.
I am avoiding putting my hands in my pants, and if I get urges, I breate in and breathe out slowly for 10 times. If it still doesn’t go away, I start walking/jogging. I have an exam today, but I feel I am not studying enough. I still procrastinate and I am always thinking about sex and women, but do not act on it. Hopefully, I will improve. I don’t have social media accounts, but I check out people using my browser. Hopefully I have to stop it. A big problem is my brain is trained to think about sex to go to sleep. I can’t sleep upright and I always have to turn around to hide my erections. In the morning, I have an erect penis and I try to hide it. I think I can overcome this by being adequately tired before going to sleep.
Cons:
Nerd neck,
Smartphone addict,
Acne all over the face,
Man boobs,
Overweight,
Genital area stinks,
Pain in the back,
Lack of concentration and mental clarity,
Low memory,
No girlfriend,
Thin hair,
Avoids going outside,
Does not like attending public events,
Very few to none friends
Procrastinator,
Always delays assignments and study till the day before submission/exam.

Pros:
Silent observer of human behavior,
Does not give in to bad company,
Polite,
Obedient,
Has a positive mind which guides in the right direction

3 Likes

As for the smart phobe addiction u could try an app called , Keep me out

@aneeque444 Thanks for the suggestion!

Day 3
I had an exam and not much happened. I did not get huge urges either. I also have an exam the next day, but I was very tired and slept off after coming back from college. But, before I continue my streak, I need to make some confessions of some sexual crimes I have done in my early years.
DO NOTE THE NEXT CONTENT MAY BE TRIGGERING. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.
8-9 years back, when I was 12, one guy was there who flirted with girls at school. Once, he was flirting with a hot girl with really big assets and he pressed her b**bs and he did that looking at me and provoked me. My hormones were wild and I got provoked. I did the same too, and in the next few days, I did that multiple times to her. But after a few days, I felt very sorry and repented my act. I asked her for forgiveness and she did forgive me.

At age 13, when I coincidentally started masturbating, there was a maid in our house who had a nice body. She wore a saree and her midriffs were exposed. Once she was working, I slid my hands into her waist and touched her navel. I was a kid at that time, so she laughed away, but it’s a shameful act that I regret.

More recently, at age 20-21, there are two buildings close to each other and the exhaust fan in our bathroom has an opening and it is situated close to a window of the next floor of the next building. I know there is a girl who is 1 year older than me. The bathroom is sufficiently large, so I can easily avoid that opening. But whenever I see that open window, I get triggered. I jerk off thinking that the girl will see me. But once, I did see a woman’s hand when I was jerking off, and it instantly brought me shame. It dawned upon me, I was trying to do something that I don’t want. I was completely driven by negative thoughts about others.
So, these were my darkest secrets. I had to tell these to somebody in order to reduce the years of repentance and load off my heart. I think it is important to confess to proceed any further to a journey which is full of purity. I have relapsed thousands of times thinking about these previous acts, so I had to speak about it so that it does not happen further. Have a nice day!

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At night dont wear tight underwear it deforms the penis shape and size. Wear boxers.
If you sleep with your parents, wear shorts over boxers. Then a light blanket of cotton to cover yourself.
In morning when you have an erect penis. Sit cross legs on bed with blanket on. Sit there as long until erection disappears.

In First month dont expect any benefits or wonders. Its a month of struggle. You have to go through hell to attain enlightment.
Main thing Never Do Edging. Stay Pure in your Reboot.

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Thanks for the suggestions @ReBorn! I will follow what you said while sleeping. And yes, maybe that is the reason why my penis is bent 30° towards the left side when erect. The right side of my penis has a cushion, like some veins are going through the place. But the left side, towards which it gets bent does not have that cushiony layer. I don’t remember from when I got this problem…maybe since I was 13-14 or so. But, I am concerned about it, and I can’t tell my parents that my penis gets bent when erect.:relieved:

Mine is bent around 20° towards navel.
I used to wear tight underwear earlier.
I have no problem in doing sex though. However, bent penis reduces the length of erect penis.

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Day 4
Today was another exam day and I mostly spent time studying and watching a cricket match. I’m getting more comfortable with myself, in the sense I am understanding that sexual thoughts will come and go. If it doesn’t, then I have a problem. The key is not to react on those thoughts. Also, today I talked with one girl, without any kind of hesitation. My mind was absolutely clean. I was discussing about the Indian Premier League(IPL) and it was great to know girls also know a lot about cricket. Never in my mind did a single thought come about sex or about making girlfriends when I had the conversation. So, it’s great I am learning to speak to a person regardless of the gender. New guys reading my journal, please don’t have unrealistic expectations that sexual thoughts will never come to you. Even if you have such thoughts, don’t react to them. NoFap is like a marathon race that has no finishing line. It never ends. So be a marathon racer, not a sprinter. Learn to be consistent. This will carry in your other life ventures. I also started meditating. Today I started with just 5 mins. Have a good day without a relapse!:slight_smile:

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I totaly understand your psyche. You are young and probably without any sexual experience with a women.

In my view, there is no problem if some day sexual thoughts dont come. Life is not all about sex. Once you have all experiences, only then you will realize this.

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Take shower get a hair cut and listen to music that you like this is a huge boost

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