As I am reaching close to my 50 day mark, I decided why not share (and log, of course) my complete experience till this date. I never thought this day would come in my life, when I can finally say, I am on a path to freedom from this wretched addiction. So, on the 50th day,i.e. tommorow,I will write a lengthy report on my progress, hardships I faced and still face, advantages I gained, What lies ahead, tricks to score longer streaks etc. One thing that I wanna get it out is, it would not have been possible without you guys and your advice. Now, some people in this forum are like very good friends. Thanks to you all.
The day has finally arrived. My 50th day free from this evil everybody calls pmo. Now, as I mentioned earlier, I will share whatever I can to help( and of course log my progress). It all started 7 years ago. I was 14 years old. One of my friend introduced me to masturbation(he was the one who also introduced me to porn for the first time when I was 12 years old). In the earlier days, I used to fap some 1 or max 2 days a week, coz I still was very much interested in other activities of my life. But, when I entered my 15, the appetite increased rapidly. I started fapping almost 1 time everyday. It affected me so much that I started having weird fantasies, especially the one with my aunt who used to come to our home. I didn’t feel shame at all. I thought this is all meant to be. I was so much in the grip of porn and fantasies that I got addicted to it. Everyday time I went to the for no. 2, I had to fap. That, was the moment I became an addict. Then when I got in 16yr, things kinda became normal. Masturbation had already became a part of me. In that year, I had to start preparing for an exam which happens nation wide and is kinda big deal. In India, every engineering aspirant had to give that exam to get selected in the top engineering colleges, the IIT’s. So like any other student, I started preparing. I was so determined for the preparation,that I sometimes even forgot to eat but when ever I went to the bathroom, I remember to fap. I thought this is a problem. Not only it is time consuming also my memory is affected due to this. So I stopped fapping unknowingly. To much to my surprise, I didn’t fap for 4 months straight. Coz I was so involved in with my goal with all my heart that I forgot the need to fap. Fast forward 2 years (about the exam, with my strong will and determination, I cracked it), I came to my dream college. Here, there were new people,new environment, new Food ,everything. I got quite intimidated at first. It changed so fast, I was 1000s of miles away from home. In the beginning when the semester were about to start,I had a lot of free time. I made a lot of friends, meet a beautiful girl, played football, joined cool clubs etc. Yeah, that didn’t happen. You see, from the start I was a shy and a lazy person. This is a deadly combination. So I started doing what I was most comfortable with, watching movies,tv shows, eating in my room and fapping (of course). I became addicted to it again. This time, it was so strong that every night before sleep I needed to do it. Fast forward to present time, after studying in this college for 3 years now, I only have few Friends,even fewer good ones. I can’t play any sport coz I am not good at any, I have no girls as friends (let alone girlfriend), I have very little connection in my college etc. And I blame masturbation has a strong hand in this. But, after 50 days of nofap, I can say, I have changed a lot.
So, what is the take from my life story is
- Engage yourself in something you love to do, something you do without even care about any other things.
- Stay away from friends who are distracted and will potentially pull you down.
- Do not stay in your bubble. Break it, go outside, drain your energy in something good.
- Don’t think too much about relapsing, fap or nofap, benefits or disadvantages, just let it flow.
(I will write the rest afterwards coz this is already long )
As promised, here are are some of the things that I followed (or tried to) to tackle urges and achieve this day:-
- On the very first day of nofap(or whatever day you are on), ask yourself this simple yet difficult question. “Why do I want to not fap?”
Answer this question honestly. Whatever may be the reason. Selfish, dark, petty etc. Whatever it is, just remember that answer, write it, read it, learn it, live it. For example,for me, it was falling of my hair, dark circles under my eyes and lot of pimples etc(totally look based reasons), I never realized that fapping has fucked up my energy and brain too, that I realized after going nofap. So the key is just to start with one reason and start finding other reasons.
- It will be tough, it will fuck up your brain, you will wanna scream, cry, beat yourself, sleepless nights, no appetite for food etc. But if all this is happening,it means it’s working. I faced some real problems that I am sure you must have faced too, but whenever I had them, I just think about the 1st point that I mentioned, it doesn’t decreases the problem, but does give me strength to deal with it.
- Fear something is important. Problem with most of the addicts is they don’t fear or think about the consequences of the drugs that are high on. There has to be some kind of fear in a man. I don’t believe in God that much (sorry, but no sorry). The only reason why I have that little amount of belief is I like to think there is someone above us, watching us all silently and will judge us upon our action. So, find someone to be fearful of. For example, I fear that my reputation will be tampered in this community if I fapped. I know this sounds a bit low,but it works for me. You know what they say, “sometimes you gotta play by your strengths, keeping your weaknesses in mind”. My weaknesses is public reputation, I use it as one of a tool to nofap.
- Indulge in other activities. As you nofap, your body testosterone levels Starts shooting up. It means hike in physical and mental energy. Usually we were used to waste this energy in fapping. But now that we’re not, we need to get involved in other activities like some physical activities like running, jogging, walking, going to gym and workout, home workout etc. THIS IS MANDATORY. There is no way around it. You have to invest that energy into something productive. Also, it helps keep your body fit.For mental excercises, yoga, meditation from 5 min to 30 min, ASMR etc are very helpful. In the initial days when my mind was bombarded with urges, I used to spend 30 min in peace and meditate which helped A LOT. Your mind becomes like a child showing tantrum, you need to control it and explain it, “it’s ok to be not ok, it will pass”.
- Socializing is important, but it doesn’t mean alone time should not be there. After I started nofap, I found that I became interested in talking to people around me, their bs don’t irritate me anymore. I understood that everyone is different and everyone should be equally respected. But it didn’t mean that I spent 24 hrs with 10 friends surrounding me. I founded and still find some alone time to understand myself better, understand my thinking process, my needs, my goods and bads, my weaknesses and strengths. After I started nofap, one thing that I started doing and helped me a lot is that I started talking or started having arguments with myself. I still do argue with myself. It is a very effective tool.
All things said, ultimately it is up to you and ONLY YOU to keep your hands out of your pants. But, I guarantee you, if you follow whatever I wrote for at least 21 days, just 21 days, you will never want to stop. Save this, read it every single day, even I am going to do it, coz it is helpful.
Going crazy these days
As you might have seen long posts about benefits of nofap or achievements after going nofap for so long etc. I found most of them to be just for false motivation and overexaggeration of few simple yet powerful changes. I would like to break the myth and be completely (or to say, brutally) honest with you guys by sharing what I felt which would account as changes:-
- Change in mindset. Since the day I started nofap, there has been a change in my thinking process. Now I don’t see at every girl as sex object. Sure, some more than normally beautiful woman does peak my interest, but not more than that. And yes, I do think about sex, not always, but I guess this is the part of being human, you cannot completely avoid it but you can learn to handle it.
- Removal of dark circles under eyes and pimples on face gone. This is true and this happens coz your body chemical level starts to restore to normal.
- Girls get attracted towards me. Now, whenever I read this, I don’t understand what people are trying to say. The whole purpose of nofap is to restore your life back to normal, not to show off or attract someone. What I interpret that they are trying to say is after nofap, their confidence level changes, which makes them more frank and lively, but one can choose not to. So, it’s entirely up to you that whether you want it or not.
- Shift in energy level. Yes, there is an absolute change in energy level due to restore of testosterone. You can choose to spend that energy into productive activities or can sit around and drain that into nothing.
- Lower depression. Good thoughts flow and yes it makes you wanna fight more.
- Restoring hairfall. Now, about this, this was one of the main reasons I initially started nofap, but till, I haven’t seen any restoration. Hairfall is still there. I read a few articles on hairfall and I found that fapping is ONE OF THE REASONS for hairfall, not the only reason. There are many reasons which I am not mentioning here (you can search and will find), for hairfall and nofap only ensures that hairfall is not there due to masturbation. So don’t fixate on it, it will come after few successfull years of nofap.
So, these are few external improvements that I mentioned, there are and will be many, but always remember, “Nofap is a tool, not the ultimate goal”. Using the benefits is up to you.
Today I had a very weird and vivid dream in the morning about me having sex with my aunt (I have no idea why that happened). Luckily, I didn’t had any discharge, but I need to be more careful these days. What I have noticed is that urges are like a sinusoidal waves, first they go up and then down then up and so on. Frequency changes from person to person, I guess I am on the path of high urges, need to be more careful now.
As I feared before, I had a wet dream while taking a nap in the afternoon. I had about the same dream and just after the night fall, I woke up a and came here to log. But it’s ok, it’s only my 3 night fall after nofap. It means rewiring is happening.
Three wet dreams so far
1st wd:- day 25
2nd wd:- day 40
3rd wd:- day 53
I am currently dealing with high urges. It’s day 54 today, but I have urges like I had on day 4. I don’t know if I can hold on. Let’s hope I get through this.
In the afternoon, I did some 7 min stress relief meditation which really worked. It was from the app “Deep meditation”. After that, I felt much better and relaxed.
Today 2 month of nofap journey is accomplished. Now, I have learnt that masturbation is a plague and should be avoided at any cost. Now, I don’t think you need any advice or motivation, you already all those things, YOU know what to do.
I have come to the realization that after 2 months of nofap, I can handle my urges and will never fap, even if the urges are strong. But, now I have to learn how to handle them without the help of this app. So, now I will only return to this app, 40 days from today i.e. 2 Nov 2018 and share my experience of those 40 days of nofap and no rewire companion help, what happens and what to expect. So, see you in 40 days. Peace out!