[21 M] A Yakuza's Dairy

I have been trying to do No fap for as long as I can remember but have failed and nearly given up many times. I decided to no give up and keep trying. I first wanted to understand why do No fap in the first place?. Then I realised porn affect your brain in many ways, excess dopamine, shrinkage in brain, slows down brain activities. Porn and masturbation causes social anxiety, shame, escapism from life issues, running from real intimate relationships, destroys time with friends and family, causes emotional burdens and many more. All these were the why I needed to do no fap. Recently I had a 3 day binge but as at now I’m at 3 days. I’m doing a 30 day challenge and watching videos or Dr. Trish on YouTube for advice and ways to tackle this addiction. Everyday I want to check in here to say how my day went want I learnt and how these affect my journey to freedom from porn and masturbation.


Today I made 4 days, I wouldn’t say it’s been easy, today I had urges and I wanted to go back to feeling of instant gratification but I applied the advice I had both here and from other sources and I finally made it through the day. I will keep up the habits that help me succeed and will take note of the things that cause me to fail. I keep going not fearing failure and giving it my all.


I listened to my brain once again, I relapsed on my fifth day, I now feel the pain of going back to zero. But I realized a truth you can’t battle a thought with a though but with action. I hate what happen but I think I’m strong enough to pick myself up and learn from the relapsed. The reason I went back to porn and masturbation was because I was feeling a certain mood and wanted the dopamine rush, and because of this high dopamine levels I get from porn, normal activities like watching anime, reading, texting friends and family no longer feel fun, I’m kinda bored outta my mind everytime. My greatest desire is to be free from this addiction because I want to enjoy every moment of my life as the come be it happiness or sadness, I want to experience life to the fullest.

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I went to PMO again, maybe I was feeling bad about breaking my 4 day streak yesterday, this afternoon, I was lying down reading Manga and I suddenly got up and switched on my internet, maybe I was horny cause the Manga contained sexual content in some parts. I want to be honest with myself sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it, I mean all the things we do.

It’s been 14 days since I was last year, I haven’t been on a 14 day binge, during this last days I had my longest streak which was 7 days, and during the 14 days I had 3 relapsed currently my streak is two days and I’m on my third day. This is a difficult journey trying to deprive yourself of something that is easily accessible with just a click. It takes hardwork, support, commitment, and strength to get up when you fall. I wish everyone on thus journey to freedom Goodluck. We can do this.

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