I’m a 20 year old Indian male with a lot of dreams and all the motive and facilities, but stuck at an addiction.
9 years of addiction with 2 years of struggle and here I am, trying yet again to get an upperhand in self control.
I was first introduced to porn when I was 11 years old. My parents would buy me anything I’d ask them to. So at first, they bought me a gaming console, then a PSP, and then, a PC with a high speed internet connection.
I have spent my entire childhood playing videogames for hours and hours. Little did I know I was missing out on so much life, so much to learn and explore.
And as if videogames weren’t enough, some friends (that I regret making) showed me the way to porn. Those friends weren’t as privileged as I was at that time.
Smartphones didn’t exist, and all these kids used to walk into some internet café and binge on porn.
But I had my personal computer, my own internet connection in my own room. At that age, I regret making that ‘curious’ move.
Fast-forward to today, I’m a MBBS student with absolutely no talent, no skill whatsoever. While most of my peers are good at atleast something.
There’s not a single sport that I can play, I’m in a bad shape and mentally weak. I don’t know how to play an instrument, and I really really want to learn to play the piano.
I don’t have any general knowledge of the world and have a weak attitude towards all subjects, geography, politics, news, science and everything else. I just don’t fit in anywhere.
I regret having lived my whole life in the shadows, having a total low profile. I could brush that off by saying I’m an ‘introvert’. But I don’t believe in such titles.
I wear huge glasses, still play videogames now and then, own a gaming laptop which I really want to throw out the window.
Gaming and porn has become a parasite in me.
My parents still buy me whatever I ask for, and I wish they hadn’t been so generous to me.
I have been using the forum since a year, and once had a streak of more than 120 days, and relapsed one day when I was off-guard.
I haven’t used the forum since, and I have seen that I just can’t make it even beyond a month by myself, no matter how hard I try.
It’s just impractical.
Willpower is just isn’t enough to overcome this addiction.
This Covid situation has got me to my worst conditon ever. I was never this unproductive, sluggish and lethargic, never this low.
Porn and videogames are really killing me. They’re slowly away taking all life from me. I got into a beautiful relationship with this amazing girl while I was on my last streak of 120 days. I don’t want to lose her. She’s all I’ve got. I just can’t imagine my life without her.
I have dreams, ambitions and all life ahead of me to make the best of it. I cannot let these addictions ruin more of the only life I’ve got.
You’ve got one life, and it’s ending, one day at a time. So make the best of it before it’s too late.
I’ll be starting a journal here and write about my days, my story and everything in general every single day of my streak. Till I hit day 1000.
And I’m happily going to say that today is going to be the last day 0 of my life.
I’m going for a streak to quit both porn and videogames at the same time. And I’m doing Nofap so I could live life like a normal human being again. Work my way up the ladder of self improvement and all the challenges of life. Live happily and with all freedom and discipline.
I don’t believe in ‘superpowers’. I don’t know why but a big part of the Nofap community is into that. I’m just aiming for the start of a better life, and Nofap is that start.
21st May 2023 is when I’ll hit day 1000 and that day is going to be the best day of my life.
Watching porn disgusts me. But I just couldn’t stop it. It feels like I’m cheating on my girlfriend, family and myself too. Even after knowing every dark secret of that industry, even after knowing what I consume is going to fill me with all the shame in the world I yet go back there again.
Not anymore. Never again. I’ve had enough.
No more fake promises,
no more low value stimulations, time to breathe again.
This addiction ruins all life, and the fact that it’s so common horrifies me. I haven’t met a single guy who’s not a porn addict. This is worse than even drug addictions I believe.
I’m frightened to even think about what impact this addiction will have on the world, when it does so much damage to just one individual, and is spreading at such a humongous rate.
Anybody who’s reading this and is interested can feel free to journal here along with me and join me in this journey to freedom.
I’m making an open platform, and everything is encouraged.
I will now journal everyday from tomorrow. Excited to see how this forum grows with each day and gets better.
Looking forward to make great friends here.
Hope you have a great day!