I’m good … be strong buddy plzzzzz this is your year , don’t let this be wasted
2021 : Year of Akhand Brahmacharya. Write on my diary if you want to follow EXTREME CELIBACY FOR THIS YEAR (Not for the weak). Rules : No thought of Women- TheFinalFrontier's diary
Guys. I am back here.
I have a confession to make.
Many of you might be thinking that I am doing well and am possibly even free from this addiction.
But it has gotten worse. To be honest, the last few days I have been masturbating every day and even multiple times during the day.
I have realized that I cannot do this. I have wasted my entire life masturbating. I could have been so much more. I could have achieved so much more. I have tried to quit. But failed.
Maybe I did not try hard enough. Maybe I did not want to be free. Maybe I did not want it bad enough. But now I do not even feel guilty about fapping. I do not feel the drive. When I feel urge, I just go there and fap.
This is the reality of my life. Few years ago I realized that I was an addict. I was already losing my hair. But it was very slight and I was skeptical if it was due to fapping or just generally. Today I can confirm that I fapping has caused hairfall. I have lost all my hair. On longer streaks I experienced slight hair growth as well. I am pretty sure I will be bald in a year or so if I do not stop with it. I have lost all the hard earned muscle that I worked so hard at. My memory is poor. My concentration is poor. On the outside people consider me as a hard working and sincere dude. And many even respect me for my work ethic. But the truth is that while people are thinking I am working hard, I am probably masturbating half of the time. And I have not been able to quit, This is bad. But I do not feel bad at all. I do not know why. I do not feel guilty. Perhaps this is the danger of fapping. It makes you complacent and lose your drive.
I have huge aims. I know my potential. And I am not even 0.00001 % of my true self when I am fapping. I have seen that I can do great things. I see other people younger than me reaching great heights and I realize I could have been there. But I wasted my life. I am already 27 and will be 28 this year. I am below average now. I have Erectile Dysfunction and I do not have skills to attract women. I am not disciplined on my goals. I do not know if I will be able to do anything significant the rest of my life. To be honest, I am disappointed with myself. I wish I stopped after the first time I fapped and I realized that it is not a good thing. I always knew it was bad. But I got hooked to it. It is worse than a drug.
Now I could go on and on saying all the negative things about PMO and I should. But what’s the point ? I am hooked to it.
But the truth is that it is my fault. It is my decision. Every single time I take a peek or open up those dirty websites. It is my fault and that is the worst part.
Now I know that writing on this group did help me. But again I do not want to be dependent on any thing external.
I just came here not to disappoint anyone. But to announce that I am not giving up.
Even if I have to suffer for the rest of my life, I will strive to be a Brahmachari. Because I know that once I am successful I will be the GREATEST ever and I am not saying it to boost my ego. I want to be the GREATEST because I want to serve the world. I have specific plans and ideas that I want to realize in this world. And for that I have to improve my level and strive to tbe the greatest otherwise it is not possible to serve.
Here is my announcement today :
23rd FEBRUARY 2021
I ANNOUNCE THAT I WILL NOT WATCH PORN, MASTURBATE, ORGASM OR EVEN THINK OR TALK ABOUT WOMEN, I.E. FOR 3 YEARS STRAIGHT I AM GONNA PRACTiSE STRICT CELIBACY.
I HAVE ALREADY STOPPED EATING ONIONS AND GARLIC. I AM GONNA FOLLOW 3 YEARS OF FULL CELIBACY TILL I AM FREE FROM LUST AND CAN FOCUS MADLY TOWARDS MY GOALS.
I KNOW THIS WILL BE SUFFERING AND I AM READY TO ENDURE THAT.
That’s it. I am leaving. And I will only post on this forum after 3 years to announce that I am successful.
I know I have said it many times before. But this time IT IS SERIOUS.
What other option do I have ?
I know the consequences !
IT IS MY FAULT.
Bro, I suggest you don’t leave the forum for atleast 60-90 days. Visit the forum atleast once a day. That should work; the accountability, motivation, support and help we recieve here is what usually keeps us afloat. We all have tried hundreds and thousands of times to conquer this addiction alone but none of us succeeded in doing that. I don’t know, maybe some people can. Whatever, accountability helps a lot; you already know it from experience.
Report your routine here daily. Be accountable and reach 90+ days. Then you’ll have control over your addiction then leave the forum. you won’t waste much time by sending 30-45 mins in the forum per day.
At the end of the day it is much better than wasting our life on pmo.
Work hard; you can succeed
These words should come from the heart; from deep within. Then only you can conquer this addiction. If this is another blank promise then there is no use.
We all are together; all of us are suffering. Endure it and also remember it is never too late. You have only started your life. You can live till 70-80 years if you take care of your health and maintain positive thoughts. You can achieve anything in this time. Spend time wisely bro…
I know exactly how that feels. Every word. I too have big goals and I’m badly disappointed by myself. But we have to hold on. That is the only way.
I hope you also feel if you give up on your goals there will be no meaning of life. We can’t live like this. These goals are supposed to be your lifelines. And that’s why you have to hold on.
My biggest regret would be not living up to my fullest potential.
I am not to judge. I am still in the process of leaving the addiction.
But seems to me you are ignoring most of the advice here people are giving you. Some of the advice I got from @Tagore has been really helpful for me.