Today I thought it would be a great idea to write a diary here. This way I will have to check in everyday, express my feelings and would feel responsible to now let down myself and my readers.
About me: I’m a student from a country called Lithuania, it is a country in the middle of Europe. I will soon be 20 years age and I want my PM addiction to be gone forever. Currently I’m on day 2, but I know I can do this and be free forever. Once my streak was 90+ days, and recently I was 30 days free from PM. It is just emotions get too strong sometimes and I think the withdrawal makes it 100 times stronger and when it happens I just cant control my mind and my actions, seems like someone is taking control of me - but no more, Im going to succeed and live a life that I always wanted to live.
I had a pretty rough childhood, got bullied and my father was a an alcoholic which made my child years very stressed, excluding that my family is great and supportive but Im too shy and embarassed to tell anyone in my family about my problem. They know that I get depressed sometimes and they ask what happened, what is the cause of it and they think it’s because I had a bad week at work or at my university but they dont know the real monster who makes these emotional changes. So this is the reason why Im writing here - to you guys, I want to share my problem and my journey to defeat it.
Im taking some actions to clear my mind from P. For example - I started taking cold showers, talking to as many people as I can, trying to socialize even in games, for example if I play a video game of some kind - I always try to chat people, find friends. One community member adviced me to take vitamin C so I will do that too, maybe I wall start running or walking at the morning. I try to eat as healthy as I my budget let’s me, because money in my country is an issue, especially for a student.
I have so many things I want to do in my life: I want to become a youtuber, who creates tutorials how to use various software, I want to grow my own vegetables and fruits using hydroponics, I want to create schematics (I study automation, which is 50% electrical engineering and 50% programming), I want to be a free time teacher, I want to be confident about my self and dont care what anyone other say about me and so many more…
I wont be able to achieve my goals without defeating my inner problems which is caused by PM. I have to do this.