[20 M] M's Diary

#1

Hello everyone!

Today I thought it would be a great idea to write a diary here. This way I will have to check in everyday, express my feelings and would feel responsible to now let down myself and my readers.

About me: I’m a student from a country called Lithuania, it is a country in the middle of Europe. I will soon be 20 years age and I want my PM addiction to be gone forever. Currently I’m on day 2, but I know I can do this and be free forever. Once my streak was 90+ days, and recently I was 30 days free from PM. It is just emotions get too strong sometimes and I think the withdrawal makes it 100 times stronger and when it happens I just cant control my mind and my actions, seems like someone is taking control of me - but no more, Im going to succeed and live a life that I always wanted to live.

I had a pretty rough childhood, got bullied and my father was a an alcoholic which made my child years very stressed, excluding that my family is great and supportive but Im too shy and embarassed to tell anyone in my family about my problem. They know that I get depressed sometimes and they ask what happened, what is the cause of it and they think it’s because I had a bad week at work or at my university but they dont know the real monster who makes these emotional changes. So this is the reason why Im writing here - to you guys, I want to share my problem and my journey to defeat it.

Im taking some actions to clear my mind from P. For example - I started taking cold showers, talking to as many people as I can, trying to socialize even in games, for example if I play a video game of some kind - I always try to chat people, find friends. One community member adviced me to take vitamin C so I will do that too, maybe I wall start running or walking at the morning. I try to eat as healthy as I my budget let’s me, because money in my country is an issue, especially for a student.

I have so many things I want to do in my life: I want to become a youtuber, who creates tutorials how to use various software, I want to grow my own vegetables and fruits using hydroponics, I want to create schematics (I study automation, which is 50% electrical engineering and 50% programming), I want to be a free time teacher, I want to be confident about my self and dont care what anyone other say about me and so many more…

I wont be able to achieve my goals without defeating my inner problems which is caused by PM. I have to do this.

4 Likes
#2

I can relate to some of your story. I wish you all the best.

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#3

Thank you! I wish you all the best too! :slight_smile:

1 Like
#4

Day 3:

Been working a lot on studies. Next week having two midterm exams, so I have to prepare. Didn’t have a single thought about PMO. Trying to be busy all the time, taking cold showers each 2-3 hours. Will do a little workout in evening (its 5PM currently in my place). Maybe will watch some good movie or read a book before sleep.

So far so good.

1 Like
#5

Day 4:

Another day well spent on studies. Was preparing for presentation.Today no urges, trying to take cold showers as often as possible.

#6

Day 5:

Today feeling a bit angry and edgy, also very lazy… Propably dopamine withdrawal symptoms show up. But still don’t have any urges. I will try to study a bit, if my laziness will allow it.

#7

Day 6:

Feeling tired, got back from class and took a nap. I’m happy tho because I got good grade from one subject. I’m propably going to take a cold shower right now and go study a bit.

1 Like
#8

Day 7:

Whole day studying for exam. Tomorrow I’ll go work to office, so won’t have time for studies.

#9

Day 8:

Just got back from work. It kept me distracted from any bad thoughts. Gonna cook some fish for dinner. Everything seems fine.

#10

Day 9:

Been really busy all day. Went home to my parent’s house. Had to replace old electricity cables and set up new ones for light fixtures. Hard work all day long, didn’t have time to post.

Day 10:

Same story. Hard work all day long.

Day 11:

Working half of day and then went back to my place. I liked past two and a half days. Work kept me distracted from any thoughts about PMO. I feel more confident, have more energy, also anxiety kicks in way less. I hope I can continue this streak and beat all upcoming struggles.

#11

Day 12:

Studying/working all day. Had some bad thoughts but busy schedule kept me distracted. Trying to be as busy as possible all the time - seems to work just fine.

#12

Day 13:

Been to class, tomorrow propably gonna go work in office for 4-5 hours. Had a long nap after class, right now studying and trying to make as much work as possible.

#13

Day 14:

Two weeks, yay! I hope I can continue this streak flawlessly! :slight_smile:

1 Like
#14

Good to see your streak. :+1::+1::+1::clap::clap::clap:

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#15

Day 15:

Working/studying all day. No time for bad thoughts - being as busy as possible. Feeling more energy lately, tho sometimes it spikes up and down very fast.

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#16

Day 16:

Working/studying all day. WHAT A BORING LIFE YOU WOULD SAY? :smiley: Only working and studying… But it is how it is, I want to be best in my specialisation and at the same time and I need money for food, rent… So I have to work hard for those things :slight_smile:

1 Like
#17

Day 17:

Working on my heating scheduler project for one client, bought some kebabs to reward myself for hard mode :smiley: I’ll propably watch some movie, or read something interesting in evening to relax a bit.

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#18

Day 18:

Nothing special today. Got a bit lazy, watching videos all day, no urges tho. Will try to be productive tomorow :slight_smile:

#19

Day 19:

Made a lot of progress on my semester project. Started doing pushups every hour - right now trying to do 10 each hour when I can and will try to increase as weeks go by. Don’t know if this is a good idea and my muscles will have time to recover but I’ve heard with right nutrition and rest it has some nice benefits.

#20

Day 20-25:

Had a lot of work done on my studies project and in office. Didn’t have time to post here, busy means no time for PMO too. Feeling great.

Day 26:

Had some urges but fighting them with all my willpower. I think I can beat them, but just for sure I take cold showers every hour.

1 Like