[20 M] Life without addiction

Hello everyone,

I’m 20 years old male student from Europe suffering from PMO addiction since I was maybe 12 or 13 years old. I came across this forum by accident and thought it would be a good idea to share my experiences with all of you. My addiction is getting worse and worse, and it seems that I can not stop it. I’m always trying very hard not to relapse but I always end up doing it anyway. I want to try new methods so I will be writing a diary here in this forum. I made a commitment that I would post here everyday, tell something about my day and maybe this will help me to fight the urges back. My best streak was 90+ days but it was like 3-4 years ago, and now I usually last for 30ish days but at this period I fall every week (like every 5-7 days) so it somewhy getting worse and I really want to change it before it is too late. I really want to feel responsible for this diary and responsible to all of you guys who read this, so please, as many as you can, write something here, so I know I’m not just writing this for myself.

By the way guys, maybe some of you folks have some really cool, creative methods how to fight back urges or stop watching P? I have some ideas in my mind: I’m gonna place wifi cameras in my flat everywhere (except bathroom) and record every step I make, then I’m gonna give access to the cameras for my mother or some friends but I didn’t make up a story yet what I would tell them why I would do that, so that’s a problem I have to figure out, but this way I won’t be able to PMO ever again because I will always feel watched and I don’t PMO anywhere else ever so this may just work. Also I’m thinking of a creative way for wiring the cameras up in case I would try to remove them. Maybe some of you guys made something like this, or have some other creative methods how to fight this addiction?

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Hey my friend, I’m not an expert.
I’m 36 and danced with eros for 15 - 20 years, I guess in the last 5 years (or a little more) I’ve been wanting to quit, and the past couple really taking it more seriously, especially since joining this app a year ago. 60+ has been my highest, I’ve hit the 20/30 mark a few times, with lots of shorter streaks.

A list of things that works for me;
Not overcomplicating it
Knowing sexual desire is natural
I am forgiven, and I forgive myself
Making plans are good if you stick to them
I make my plans things I love

Earlier today I really struggled - work was stressful, I’ve got other things on my mind, distractions, lack of motivation and an impending deadline, and all I wanted to do was pmo for comfort,… but I have a Tai Chi class in an hour… “do I really want to pmo, and then go, with the possibility of feeling dirty & low?” :thinking:
“Or do I want an exhilarating, healthy practice, with the possibility of feeling proud and good about myself?”

The more healthy routines you can fit around your responsibilities the better, and will probably impact them positively.


I went back to work and looked at other solutions to my work related problem, and carried on with some persistence. I didn’t go to Tai Chi, but I didn’t pmo. I feel glad and slightly prouder of myself :wink::+1:

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Hey,

Thanks for the reply! That list is really nice and you are doing great is seems! Yeah, me too often try to think how bad I would feel after a relapse, but sometimes willpower is just too weak, it would be good to always have someone near who could watch out for us. I very much agree with healthy routines, I think that such activities boost up self-esteem and may have impact on overcoming pmo.

Today was a pretty good day but I am very scared it won’t last very long. I just know that the “feeling good” state is only because I had a big dopamine spike and I’m very very scared of the feeling I will get when dopamine runs out. Usually this is the stage when the anxiety, deppresion and other problems kick in. It is really interesting how human brain functions on dopamine levels, you can be entirely different person depending on how much dopamine brains get. I really hope that these dopamine levels return to normal after some time, because I can’t stand when I get that lazy, low-self esteem feeling 4-6 days after PMO :frowning:

That’s it for this day.

Hello everyone reading this,

I hope all of You have/are having a nice day! Today was a bit rough, I got some stressful situations there and there but managed to keep my calm. I have a driving test tomorow so I’m a bit scared but hopefully everything goes ok. At weekend maybe I will try to think some solutions with cameras which could help me get of PMO. Thats it for this day. Thank You for reading.

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Passed my driving test today, yeeees! A perfect time to change my life for good. Never again, never again, never again!

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Got some rest today after a pretty tough week. Came back to my moms house, worked in garden a bit, nature calms me down a lot, thats why I’m saving up for a house near a forest, lake or something like that. At evening I’ll try to think some ideas behind my cameras project or just relax and watch some movie or go outside drink some tea and enjoy beatiful weather (I love the sound of frogs croaking at night, so calming, like rain). That’s it for today.

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Yes if you live alone makes it very hard not to be tempted all the time… I don’t live alone so now in mornings I try to get out of my room right when I wake otherwise I feel I will slip up. If u DO live alone just get outside. Go in public all day if you can on ur day off. Even sitting in coffee swap watching Netflix is same as sitting at your house watching TV but you most likely won’t slip up in a coffee shop lol hopefully… fyi people are reading your posts so feel free to continue

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Hey! Thanks for the encouraging words! Yes, I live alone and it makes it harder and I try to go outside as much as possible. These days I couldn’t update because I didn’t have access to my laptop (which is a good thing I guess) so no time for PMO too. This day though was very stressfull, got very angry at work, many things has just fallen onto me and I have to work very hard. But on the bright side I haven’t got any urges these days.

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Well I’ll say if all you were able to deal wit the work stress without PMO then you are instantly doing better… idk bout you but stress is def a trigger for me

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Yes, I feel you. For me it is the same, but this time was different somewhy and I didn’t even think about PMO, maybe because I had a lot of work to do and my mind was just occupied about the tasks I have to do. I have to say that I am kinda lucky I have the job I do, althought there is many stressfull situations and often times I get angry or sad, my co-workers are super awesome, supportive people and I get paid well and on top of that I think that these kinds of situations builds me up as a person, so in future I will no longer be afraid of something that I have experienced before. Anyway, strangely I mostly relapse when something good happens and I get relaxed too much, so now I’m trying as hard as I can to be occupied all the time and work as much as possible and not to ease up too much, also I think to start going to gym, that would consume some time that now I would spend laying in bed after work, so less chance to PMO and better health and self esteem. That’s it for this day. Thanks for reading!

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Yes I been tryin to do the same as well… doing more hrs at work to stay busy even thou I have plenty to do at home. I have started lifting weights again few months ago and yes it has def helped my self esteem and self image way more. I think alot of us suffer from negative self image which is a big issue in our addiction

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