(20 M) Confession and new (and last) Diary

I’m done with PM.

I spend a fucking day only M’ing. Wtf.

PM is bad because:

  • I waste hours with it (around 120 days (24h) up to now!!!)
  • I’m getting dependent on it
  • It makes me want to kill myself
  • It damages my natural reward system

I’m not going to M anymore. Never ever again. I won’t do it.

If I want to PM I tell myself: It’s ok that I want to PM, it’s normal after years of addiction. I have the choice, I can choose freely. PM destroys me, wastes my time and damages my reward system. That’s why I choose not to PM, but instead focus on living the life I want to live: One of freedom and honesty!

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When you are doing too much of P and M, you seek new things everyday to keep things interesting. So you keep trying and fantasizing weirder and weirder stuff and things go worse longer you keep doing it. Why not take your time away from everything, quit all of it, things will get better and you will see yourself change everyday and move on to be a better person and you will start looking for at your past self as someone thats not you.

You have a lot of guilt and shame associated with what you have done. Its not good, You have to work on that. Its totally okay to regret it but you have to channel all of that into hunger to be a better person.

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I don’t understand how the shame and guilt is not good?
But I’m very angry at myself. I’m too used about knowing better but still doing it wrong…

Shame and guilt can make even the strongest of men fall before their time… The root causes of depression and many many mental health issues. Its the biggest obstacle that prevents you from being who you want to be. It takes away your happiness and everything that’s good about you. Whats done is done man… Don’t punish yourself by living in your past,instead tell yourself, okay I did something bad, I can’t control the past but I can control my future and I am not going to be the same guy anymore. Learn from it, use it to push yourself to the best version of yourself.

Anger is okay, not for long… You have to move on…

Make peace with your past.

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Just reminding myself of the reasons I do not watch porn and masturbate:

  • It’s a goddamn waste of my time
  • it damages my reward system
  • it makes me compulsive
  • it makes me loose selfrespect
  • it feeds a very disgusting image of womens
  • it makes me feel ashamed

I’m very happy, one week completed and working on my app :slight_smile: :muscle:


Good job, keep going


Hi there.
I’m feeling low since some days. I feel empty, devoid of meaning. Just imagine you reached all your goals and now had nothing to do anymore. That’s how I feel.
Just that I didn’t really reach all my goals. I’m two weeks now and slowly I think that Porn and Masturbation isn’t even that bad, that all that negative consequences are a little exaggerated…
I’ll go through them in the next few days, just to make sure that I cannot rationalize myself into relapsing. I need to know it, have to thought out everything, then there’s no possibility of relapse. Relapse is not going to occur if I know why I am a Nofapper.
I already was there once, on day 53 and I relapsed because… well, …I thought why not.

It’s a goddamn waste of my time:
I probably spend an hour/day fapping/watching porn. On average. Probably more, maybe less. That’s a fucking 3’285 hours (since age 12 when I discovered porn, I don’t even want to count that rub myself on the bed and feel good faps as a nine year old boy). This equals to 136 days!!! Holy guacamole!

And in the last few months in which I discovered weird fetishes this time probably increased. I might only have watched porn and fapped each third day or so, but (depending on when I started) then I fapped for 3 hours + or even more!!! (Thank you, random tantra-orgasm-without-ejaculation-edge-for-hours coach from youtube!!) Also I spend probably an hour on searching the right image, the right angle, the right I don’t even know what. And holy shit I even paid for fucking porn. Only around 10 bucks, but still wtf. And the hours I spend searching for premiumfiledonwloaders to get that file you would have to pay for… And those countless torrents I donwloaded only to delete it immideately after realizing the clip isn’t that good…

It’s a FUCKING waste of time!

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I think the waste of time is one of strongest reasons to avoid PMO. I only realize this when started to do Nofap and redirected my time to productive activities. So it wasn’t my main motivation when I decided to do it.

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