I’m feeling low since some days. I feel empty, devoid of meaning. Just imagine you reached all your goals and now had nothing to do anymore. That’s how I feel.
Just that I didn’t really reach all my goals. I’m two weeks now and slowly I think that Porn and Masturbation isn’t even that bad, that all that negative consequences are a little exaggerated…
I’ll go through them in the next few days, just to make sure that I cannot rationalize myself into relapsing. I need to know it, have to thought out everything, then there’s no possibility of relapse. Relapse is not going to occur if I know why I am a Nofapper.
I already was there once, on day 53 and I relapsed because… well, …I thought why not.
It’s a goddamn waste of my time:
I probably spend an hour/day fapping/watching porn. On average. Probably more, maybe less. That’s a fucking 3’285 hours (since age 12 when I discovered porn, I don’t even want to count that rub myself on the bed and feel good faps as a nine year old boy). This equals to 136 days!!! Holy guacamole!
And in the last few months in which I discovered weird fetishes this time probably increased. I might only have watched porn and fapped each third day or so, but (depending on when I started) then I fapped for 3 hours + or even more!!! (Thank you, random tantra-orgasm-without-ejaculation-edge-for-hours coach from youtube!!) Also I spend probably an hour on searching the right image, the right angle, the right I don’t even know what. And holy shit I even paid for fucking porn. Only around 10 bucks, but still wtf. And the hours I spend searching for premiumfiledonwloaders to get that file you would have to pay for… And those countless torrents I donwloaded only to delete it immideately after realizing the clip isn’t that good…
It’s a FUCKING waste of time!