[18 M] Priyankon's Diary

I will be writing every night before I sleep.
Hope y’all will keep me motivated when I’m in need.
Stay awesome !

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I actually discovered the nofap community a year ago. I was motivated to get rid of the addiction and I was pretty much successful at it. Back then I had a gym membership and was regularly hitting the gym, 5 days a week.
But the timing of my college classes were increased by 2 hours and this messed up my everyday schedule drastically. I had to leave the gym because I wasn’t able to find time to study and at the same get my required recovery sleep. I had to stay awake till late nights and I still have to.
The problem was me leaving the gym. I could’ve actually adjusted my schedule somehow and continue gyming and stay focused with my goals.
But once I left the gym, I got lazier. I actually wasn’t studying enough, I was wasting more time. And these leisure times would actually end up with a fap session.
And this ended up becoming a habit. I would fap once a day, then at times twice a day. The brain fog was real. I couldn’t sleep but at the same time I was tired of fapping too much. It was very stressful, felt like I’ve taken some sort of drugs(although I haven’t tried drugs in my life, so I actually don’t know how it feels). I felt very bad for myself and I needed some changes in my life.
So I came back to this app. And my timer was actually counting 160 days of Nofap because I had stopped registering my relapses here, because it would make me feel guilty but not enough to get rid of it.
So here I am back to this app again. Trying to get rid of this habit. I am on a 7 day streak right now and I will keep pushing it. Also I’ve started exercising at home now so I am actually able to use the excess of energy somewhere. I also started waking up early.

I made a single good change, a new good habit. And along with it two new good habits came.

Fapping was never my priority. And it will never be.

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It’s day 7 now, it’s tough. It’s not that tough to resist or stop the urges but it’s seriously tough to stop the thoughts and fantasies that I keep playing in my mind.
I couldn’t sleep the last two nights, I was tired but when I went to bed I began fantasizing and the tiredness went away. I have a little knowledge about meditation so I tried it last night but nothing helped.
These thoughs were like cars on the road and my mind was repeatedly jumping in the middle of the road and I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.
I hope this sleeping problem fades away quickly.
I don’t want to fap to go to sleep like I used to.

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Keep strong my friend , fight this Bad habit creating good ones, i know this is hard but you have to use your Will power , remenber that this feelings are just temporary they Will pass, after masturbation you Will feel energy less, depressed , guilty , one always feel like shit , regrets, and you losed confidence in yourself and That take a lot of days to recover your confidence, it Will be the same dead end , the same cycle of suffering , you can do it my friend PMO is an illusion…

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I too made the mistake of leaving the gym in hope of giving more time to study, but I wasn’t aware that all my motivation and will power to study was being fueled every day while working out. When we workout we are one with our body and mind, we learn to make them function in tandem. But as soon as we stop hitting the gym our body tends to take over our mind and we start giving up to momentary pleasures and this leads to a fake sense of control in our mind, and we stop working towards our goals. I’ve been a fat kid all my childhood and was 95kgs when it struck me that I need to change myself. Brought my weight down to 72kgs. Then due to lengthy course of CS Professional I thought it would be wise to leave the gym and concentrate on studies. And boy I was so naive to assume that I will study all the time. Stwrted hitting the gym again and I have regained my focus and concentration.
I too will reach 7th day in 3 hours from now. And there’s no turning back. You and I will both defeat this demon and get out of this addiction. We can do it.
Thanks for reading it all :smile:
Have a nice day. Stay strong.

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It’s hard for everyone, I was on 8th day streak than I started hanging around my ex we ended up having sex, after that I cant stay clean for longer than a day… I need to reset, clear my mind and thoughts and just stay clean, you give me inspiration that I can do it, thankx

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Yes, thanks man.
Temporary insomnia is better than those feelings of guilt and lack of self respect. I got some sleep now.
If I have self respect than I can make myself believe and do whatever I want to !

Hey brother, you’re an inspiration.
The problem with me was, I knew that workouts keep us motivated to do other productive stuff. I had researched everything.
But still I decided to leave the gym, it was too stupid of me. I could’ve adjusted my schedule and wake up early to hit the gym. Now regretting won’t change anything for me.
So, I’ve decided to change the future and not commit such mistakes again.

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According to the community I don’t think having sex is considered as a relapse(some of them do) but it’s healthy.
But you’re talking about the after effect of the sexual intercourse. Your cravings made you more horny so you had to fap?

Day 8: The last two days were the toughest for me. I suffered from insomnia on day 5 & 6 and the tiredness wasted my entire day, the whole day I felt as if I am drunk (obviously I was drunk, when we don’t sleep, body produces more alcohol). I had less control on myself and my mind. Resisting the urges was tough but you know what’s more tough? To control the thoughts ! Damn, these thoughts keep coming, I keep imagining stupid sexual scenarios and make myself hard. I was literally hard the whole day on day 7.
But I somehow managed to resist it and hustle. I have gained some self respect by winning this small battle.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I had a great sleep last night, 7 hours of sound sleep without any interruption. I feel ready to take on the day and conquer it. I feel happy to be alive.

“STRENGTH doesn’t come from what we can do, it comes from OVERCOMING things you thought you couldn’t.”

  • Anonymous
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Sorry for my inactivity with my diary. A bit busy these days, exams going on.
But today I survived a huge relapse. I was totally on the verge of relapse. I was just scrolling through google for answers related to a few numericals which I was having doubt with. And the next thing I saw was an ad which was enough give me a boner.
It was tough. I actually feel ashamed to confess but I after that I was edjing today. Some people consider it as a relapse. But I read in the nofap forum that if I somehow managed to shut the video off and resist the urge to stroke my thing and survived the urge, it is not a relapse.
So I’m letting my counter go on.
I went to sleep to get rid of the urge and now after waking up I feel better about myself. I won’t quit.

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