(18 F) Journey Through the Dark

Day 70

Welp, ended up looking at porn. Let me say it was the worst decision of my life. Prayed for a while after that that if I ever wanted to do it again that God would remind me why I shouldn’t and stop me. I want to say I will never do it again, but I can’t trust myself. I felt horrible afterwards and hope that I will not be doing that again. :person_facepalming:
It’s just my body tricking me. I don’t need PMO. I’m way smarter than this, and too good of a person to act this way.
Tonight and tomorrow I’m gonna remember that.
I really need to focus on using my mind, devices, and body for God’s glory instead of sin.

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Be cautious, remind yourself basics of nofap that work for you. Stop urges asap. Good luck :wink:

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Careful sister, remember that porn is designed to keep us trapped, its like everytime we go to porn, we tie a knot from a rope which is connected to porn. So the more we go, no matter even for a second, we make the knot more tight and more difficult to escape, because the people behind the porn industry have studied minds of people and designed porn that way to shackle us.

So all we need to do is stay away from it to save ourselves.

I say be cautious and careful next few days, because the more recent you’ve accessed porn, those scenes are fresh and keep playing in our subconscious mind.

Dont fall for the trap the next time, i hope and know you can overcome it.

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Thank you very much for your post and encouragement! I agree with you. I will be careful the next few days especially.

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Day 86

Thanks to all of my accountability partners who got me this far!!! Couldn’t have done it without you!!!
I will post again on day 90.
I am going to be posting less and less unless I relapse because I feel like I kicked this addiction and don’t really feel the need to check this app super often. I will check in every couple days for my accountability partners though. That mostly applies to @RADAUME and @Steph078 and @ChristianMan and @AoG7576 and @Fazlury right now. Just wanted to let you guys know.
Stay strong guys!!! I will do so too!!

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Its nice to read you.

For the other guys.
What do you think about fight all together ?

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Day 90

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Very good on making it to the 90 days. However, I’d remind you not to get careless because the rollercoasters of emotions will still come at you but now that you’ve survived 90 days, you can mentally resist it much better than you used to.

After 90 days, the real perserverance comes, usually people don’t relapse at this point because they feel cravings or horny, they do it out of boredom. Read your novels in places where there are some sitting around.

I’m on 172 Days PMO myself, I don’t remember what masturbation and porn felt like at all but I still do get waves of tight urges on occassions.

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Day 91
I think what I realized is that my urges, even though shorter and weaker, aren’t going away and this is my new life. Now I know how to surf them, which is how I got this far. As my last post says, I’ve begun to realize that I can’t go back to my days before masturbation, because I’m not that innocent anymore. I am all the wiser for it, though.
The only reason I can see why I would relapse is if I’m half asleep and do something stupid, but even if I do I know I can make it back to 90.
I’m going to log off of the forum again until day 100. I still haven’t gotten Minecraft because they won’t except my form of payment. I’m going to try one last alternative before giving up on that completely, which is a bit of a letdown.
Good luck, everyone! Keep fighting! I’ll see you in 9 days!

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Welp… :person_shrugging::person_facepalming:
20 characters

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What happened :eyes:

How is your journey going?

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I relapsed. Couldn’t keep it down

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Ah I see. I’m glad you are on this journey to self improvement.

I know you can achieve your goals so just get back up, learn from your mistake and let’s do better this time :pray:.

I relapsed after 106 days couple of weeks ago, but I’m more determined to surpass my previous best this time. Let’s do it together :muscle::four_leaf_clover::crossed_fingers:

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I’ll tell all you what work for me.
I’m 119 days.

Block all devices: cellphone (Applock SpSoft, Safe Kids Kaspersky), Router (OpenDNS or Clean browsing) and PC (Blok Supreme Pro - email them, it will have an english translation soon).

This solved the porn access problem to me.

And the spirituality solved the masturbation (my great difficulty) and urges problem to me. It’s necessary to pray every morning asking Jesus for chastity, asking Jesus the grace to not betray Him on the temptations moments (like Judas Iscariot) and asking Jesus the grace to not look back to your old life of sins (like the Loh wife, in Sodoma). Finally, since I went to Eucharist frequently, at least 3 times per week, and Penitence Sacrament too, i don’t relapsed anymore. All my days I always started with MO, losing to my flesh (and to Satan). Eucharist frequently and Penitence sacrament clean our thoughts. Then, finally I’m free from MO. Free by Jesus Christ.

It’s what works to me.

PS: always, always pray for Jesus in the moment of temptation/urges. St. Bernard says: nobody can win the temptation without ask God’s help.

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Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice over this last year! It was very helpful and encouraging, and it got me far!
I’m probably going to be inactive on this forum, seeing that so many people have come and gone and I feel like those who I was with have phased out, and so have I pretty much. I’ll keep the app and my account here. I’m not going to delete any of that until I’m absolutely ready. But I think I’ve recovered from this addiction! I haven’t had any urges since my last relapse. I’m going to keep going strong. I wish you all the best. :grin: Keep fighting!
-Dark Violin

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Glad to hear that!
Don’t make this mistake and declare win this early. I did the same before and fell down. Make sure to keep nofap in your mind and to stay focused on fighting it because this is a lifestyle and not a temporary thing.
Good luck! You deserve all the best!

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So happy for you!!! I will wish that i will reach at this point soon :grin: Best of luck for the future and beyond!

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