You should try association when you relapse. This means you sit down, and think of all the negative things that you have caused by your relapse. I sat on the toilet and visualised a state of low energy, a lack of confidence. I confronted myself with past situations where I lacked confidence to ask and do simple things. I associate that with relapsing, and urges too. Do the same every time you get an urge. This might seem stupid, or basic. Of course you know it’s bad for you. Of course you won’t relapse again. You’re full of energy now. But you won’t be in a few weeks, that’s the problem. It can happen anytime, to anyone. You’ll be tired, and your addict brain takes over with little resistance.
This is why we need to program our brains to work for us, to serve our goals.
When you’re feeling great, try to visualise your success and, most importantly, visualise your journey to get there.
What also helped me immensely, was this simple video: https://youtu.be/-mAWGJev6AQ
I “wrote” down my reflection of the situation, but I wrote it on my table, without ink. I don’t like the idea of writing sensitive information on paper, where someone could find it, so I wrote without leaving a trace.
I masturbated after taking an afternoon nap. It happened almost unconsciously. In the end, I found that one of the problems was me going on instagram or YouTube when I had finished my work for the morning, instead of going outside and enjoying life. The trigger cascade started there.
I then decided to go for a run right then and there, in the rain. I hadn’t run for months. It felt great! Part of the happiness was also me figuring out my shit by myself, instead of blindly following advice by some internet guru. It really feels good.
I hope this can help you get back on track.
All the best
Good seeing you again