[17 M] Rezboy247 "Hard Mode" journal

Day 14
Friday, July 24 2020

I’ve had zero urges at all recently. I’m not sure how or why, but I’m glad it’s happening. I feel like I don’t have time to even think about fapping because I’m so busy with hanging out with family and making music that it’s just not on my mind at all. That’s why I haven’t been updating you guys as frequently as I used to. I do occasionally check in with everyone that helped me along the way and I get so happy to see how far they have come. You are all strong for trying to get rid of this addiction. It’s the most difficult thing you could do for yourself, but in the end it’s all worth it. Conquer this, and you can achieve anything in life. I truly believe that.

On another note, probably no one knows about a rapper named logic. But he just released his final album ever today. I’ve been listening to his music for 5 whole years and watched him progress as a person and a musician. I remember first stumbling across his music and falling in love with it. I even went to go see him live in Las Vegas. I was almost brought to tears because he was so close. He was and still is someone I look up to. My role model. He made me the person I am today and I’m proud to say that. He decided this will be his final album because he now has everything he’s every dreamed of having which is a wife, son, and loving friends. He felt as if he achieved happiness within himself through everything he has been through. Logic was dealt a bad hand in life, but he somehow overcame the odds and started making millions of dollars doing what he loves. And after a period of time, he realized that he finally made his dream a reality. His dad was never there for him as a kid so he always knew his purpose in life was to be the best dad for his son. And now he’s able to do that because he took a risk to follow his dreams. Logic is a big part of me as a person so that’s why I wrote so much about him. I’m sad he’s done making music, but I’m glad he has found true happiness after going through so much as a kid. This gives me hope to follow my dreams and make it become reality. #Rattpack

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I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m seriously done watching porn. No matter what. I’ve never been more sure than I am now about never watching porn again. The benefits are literally life changing so I would be stupid to go back to my old ways. This is only the beginning of a greater future for myself, and the people I’m closest with like my family. No matter how strong the urges are, I will never succumb to it. I’m forever done with porn and just saying that makes me so happy. I woke up smiling this morning because I realized how much better this addiction has gotten and it’s all thanks to you guys :grin: . Before this app, I would only be able to go 4 to 7 days minimum. But now it’s almost as if porn isn’t even something I would want to spend my time looking at. So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that helped me through the easy and hard times. I am forever grateful.

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You’re doing well brother. Keep going! We’ll all reach our full potential soon. Our story will be one worth writing about, how we overcame adversity and became something so rare in this world nowadays. Real men.

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Day 16
Sunday, July 26 2020

Today I had a couple small urges, but I was never close to relapsing at all. I had spent my day listening to music and watching YouTube which isn’t productive at all. For the past few days, my toe/toenail has been hurting so bad. This means I’m not able to run or box at all for the time being and it sucks. I’ll do some intense and workouts as soon as I’m done typing this, so that I’m not using it as an excuse to do nothing all day.

Throughout the day my toe has been really hurting so I wasn’t in the best mood ever, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna resort to porn so that I can have 5 seconds of fake pleasure. I’m a man. I can handle discomfort.

I’m thinking about replacing YouTube with Anime. I feel like I’ve been on YouTube a lot ever since I last relapsed and I want to go back to the way I was. Which was no YouTube, only a little bit of anime. I might try it when my toe is fully healed.

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Great to hear you’re doing good bro, but I want to stress something to you. From my personal experience I’ve also had these moments of bliss after a relapse where I think I’ve won it because I don’t have any urges or have very few. Once that initial period of no urges went away and my cravings came back I was screwed because I wasn’t expecting it. I just thought I had everything under control because of the intial dead period of no urges at all.

I want you to not fall like that. I’ve fallen so many times like that because I was just unprepared for the strength of the urges that came. So, I recommend you practice whatever method you have to fight off urges everyday for at least 5 minutes. Just so you stay prepared and your brain becomes stronger in the part of the brain that elicits self-control. And if you do not have a method here is one that’s been working for me. When you look at your life as a story it uses the part of the brain called the striatum which is weak in addicts. This part of the brain brings back to ability to have self-control. For addicts we have a present focused brain, “I need the now pleasure,” and it’s almost impossible to not focus on the now pleasure unless we strengthen the straitum. The striatum helps us look at the past present and future which helps us focus on later goals more and not value the “now pleasure.” There is a great video about what I’m talking about from a neuroscientist and former addict. He talks about how the willpower method doesn’t work with scientific proof and how there is another method which does. I’ll link it here, it’s a bit long but it’s definitely worth the watch. Anyways, best of luck man and God bless. :slight_smile:

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Hey thanks @Sacred , I feel as if this is exactly how my last streak went last time. I didn’t have any urges up untill day 25-35. I remember it was miserable because I wasn’t ready for it. I mostly used running/boxing as a way for my to try and suppress the non-stop urges. Which worked, right up untill I lost focus of why I started. I forgot what was pushing me forward and started to reminisce about the times I used to watch porn. It’s almost like I became someone else on day 38 of my last streak. I knew what I was doing and that it was the opposite of what I wanted. But even then I lost focus of everything around me except those 5 seconds of fake lust through a screen. So moral of the story, find something you’re passionate about and never lose focus of it.

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Yes very true that is a key to beating this addiction. Having a passionate goal is powerful. Having this insight that you do will be really beneficial for you bro. Good luck, God bless, and keep on fighting!

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I liked your approach of handling the problem. Thats the best way.

That’s awesome bro. Wish you all the best for that.
And Workout with parents! Thats great.

The success is on the other side of comfort zone. So keep pushing hard.

All the best!

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Yeah It’s definitely the hardest, but it’s the most affective for sure.

Thanks man! I’ve been trying super hard and I’ve made some beats and melodies that I’m proud of! But yeah I’ve been struggling with really pushing myself out of my comfort zone since I’m stuck at home all day because of Corona. But what I’m going to do is try to workout every day. Even if it’s something small. So thanks @JumpingBuddha !

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Day 21
Friday, July 31 2020

So I haven’t told you guys this but, my family and I got a puppy a few weeks ago! This is great news because my last dog passed away a few years ago and he really helped me cope with my feelings but sadly he was no longer there so I felt somewhat alone. But anyways fast forward to today, I have never had to take care of a puppy before because when I got my older dog, I was too little to do things for myself, let alone take care of a puppy. These past few weeks I have been getting less and less sleep because I have to wake up to take him outside for him to handle his business. Of course I have help with my mom and dad, but the first half of the day he is my responsibility. Meaning I have to potty train and watch after him. It’s a lot. And it has been stressful. But it’s giving me a reason to stay disciplined. No matter how much I want to sleep in, I get my ass up and take care of him. I’m starting online classes next week so my hands are going to be full. But I’m going to get through it no matter how hard it gets. That’s all I wanted to say. I hope you guys are doing well!

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Thats a great news!
Be busy and enjoy the discipline. It will pay back!
Cheers

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That’s great!
You’re really lucky to get one.
I want one but my family doesn’t right now…But I’ve made up my mind that (hopefully) when I eventually (not anytime soon) move out, I’m getting a pup! :joy: :joy:

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Day 25
Tuesday, August 4 2020

Sorry guys I’ve been busy with school work and the new puppy. I’ve been super stressed the past few days but I feel as if this will help keep me in check. I’ve had urges but I’ve gotten so good at resisting them. I just remind myself that I need to choose between a life doing what I want to do, or living a life that you were forced into. Because me relapsing is guaranteeing that I will never get rid of this addiction. So, I will never relapse so that I can guarantee a happy life ahead of me. Right now, the only thing that is distracting me from everything are girls. I know they can be a distraction but I’ve never had a relationship where I felt loved. So maybe that’s why I’m chasing them currently. I need to stop chasing girls though, I don’t wanna be that person who has to beg for anything from a girl. I need to focus on myself and forget about them because all they want to do it steal my energy. Especially the girls where I’m from. It’s just not worth it.

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Day 26
Wednesday August 5 2020

I’m having a very strong urge. This urge came out of nowhere and hit hard. Right now I’m home alone for about an hour or two and all I can think about is relapsing. I’m trying to think of something else but my mind is fixated on wanting porn. Idk what to do. I want to give in but I know that I started for a reason. I wouldn’t have started no fap if I didn’t want to change for the better. It’s so hard, but I’m not watching porn tonight. Fuck these urges.

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Update: I killed that urge. It was tough but I didn’t let it get to me. I started watching YouTube videos about things I’m passionate about and that slapped me to my senses. After I overcame that urge I felt so good. Like better than I felt before. I can’t even explain it, but I feel amazing after I didn’t relapse last night.

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I feel you man. I get that. Your confidence increases every time you beat an evil urge. Urges conquered in itself will improve your life a lot. Focus on boxing.
I’ll suggest one thing for you. Since you are a boxer you can easily beat your addiction through your passion.
If you have boxing bag in your house, consider it as the urge. Fight with the boxing bag. Beat it again and again. Kick it. See that it is bleading and dying. Kill it. Be cruel and show no mercy. Fight till you fall down and the the urge ie. The boxing bag dies.
It’ll work.

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I relapsed on day 28…

Porn sucks. I hate living my life obsessing over these women that have no idea I exist. And if I’m being honest, I hate that I feel like I need a girlfriend to be happy. I’m wasting my time chasing these girls. I just feel so lonely at times since I’ve been stuck inside for a long time.

Also I have to confess something to you guys… During this 28 day streak, I haven’t worked out once. I have done no physical activity for a month. I feel like this might have been the reason for my relapse. What’s weird is that my last streak, I was super happy. Maybe even the happiest I’ve been in a long time. And since I haven’t been working out, I am down to 140 pounds and I’m 6’0 tall. This is not healthy and I’m unhappy with my body, but I’m not sure if I have the strength to gain weight/muscle. I just need to start working out, whether I like it or not. I feel so defeated right now. I don’t feel sad or mad, I just feel empty.

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Love yourself and start working out inside your home (because there is lockdown, and probably gyms are closed at your place) there are many apps in playstore for home workout without equipment. Give it a try…
All the best

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Same here. I relapsed again! Arghh!

It’s unbearably hot right now, and it will be for the next few days to come. Going outside for long periods of time is not an option because of the heat. I’m practically stuck inside to find one last bit of coolness. I was at 6 days again, after relapsing at 28 and 25 days respectively. Now we’re back at 0.
Whenever I get an urge now, I think to myself: “What else am I gonna do?”, retorically. At that point, you’ve given up. The relapse is imminent, be it today, tomorrow or the day after. I need to say “NO!” to my urges to look up stimulating material.

On my previous streak, I had neglected working out as well, partly due to my busy work weeks, partly to let my shoulder tendons heal. My shoulder pain got worse during this time, which I still don’t understand. Recently, I’ve started practicing handstands, planche (pseudo-planche and tucked planche), and "skin-the-cat"s. I’m also 6’0 and around 140 lbs. These types of body weight exercises are ideal for our body types, because there not too much mass to move or hold in the air. For me, these exercises are fun, and not a chore to do. I do them a few times a day, throughout the day. Because of my injury, and risk to worsen it again, I’m not doing heavy workouts anymore.

I’m also trying to gain weight, and have been trying for a few months now, but to no avail, mostly because of my injury. For us hard-gainers, there’s not much to be done about it. Later in life, our hormonal balance will work itself out, and granted we keep working out, and keep eating properly, we will achieve a better physique and more strength.

Urges will be stronger than ever, right after a relapse. Message me when an urge hits. Right then and there. Then proceed to turn your phone off and place it somewhere away from yourself, or even better, give it to a parent, and ask to keep it locked away for a few hours, or a day. If you’re serious about this, serious action is required. This is where I have failed so often. Please don’t make the same mistake. You’ve got a year’s head start on me, so make it count. Be better than the person I am at 18 years old. Most of your mental issues and dependencies on people will fade with healing. It’s all in the brain, and nofap heals the brain in all of the right ways. Watching porn or other stimulating content ruins our brains and our ability to think.

I know the exact feeling you’re having right now. I know that the thing that really helps is doing something, anything, which is not digital, but rather physical and real. Anything you like. Books, exercise, meditation, cleaning, you name it.

Remember, you can always contact me.
Make the best of life!

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@Attempt_Two_Electric_Boogaloo Yeah man, this is what caused me to relapse if I’m being honest. My thoughts took over and eventually it led for me to “just peek.” But I can tell that I was forcing myself to get rid of porn instead of wanting it for myself, so it was inevitable lol.

Honestly, I’ve had a similar experience but not really. During this last streak, I was trying to find every little excuse to not push myself or workout. I was like trying to justify that I didn’t wanna workout so I made up these excuses. But I definitely could’ve done some type of physical exercise. I need to light that fire again, I remember I would wake up and run 1 or 2 miles every single day and I would love the challenge. If you go back in my journal you can probably find me talking about it lol.

You’re totally right man, I just feel like I need to stop comparing myself to others and focus on what would be best for me, that’s what I’m struggling with right now. I’ve become super self conscious because of how much I compare myself to other people, but hopefully I can learn to love myself no matter what I look like!!

I’ll be sure that you’re the first person I message if an urge hits. But same to you! You better message me if you get an urge, whether it’s big or small. We will grow together man. I will try my hardest to take advantage of how young I am, but just because you are a little older than me doesn’t mean you can’t change your future for the better, use the time you are given and only compare yourself to your past self, so that you don’t lose sight of how far you have come!

I honestly might start doing calisthenics/bodyweight workouts. Today I did some push-ups and realized how much I missed it. I have these parallettes that I’ve had for awhile but rarely ever used so I’m going to put them to good use. My first thing I want to learn is an L-sit, I’ve always thought those types of exercises looked badass, so I’m going to really dedicate myself everyday no matter what. Feel free to join!

We got this man! I believe in you!

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