[18 M] Making this a new diary (2004 diary)

My dear friend, as I’ve said earlier - RELAX. Listen to me - R-E-L-A-X. You’re so frustrated, that you’ve fallen into closed circle. Take a deep breath - if you’re more philosophical type - think about your situation as you would think about other person, maybe your friend, look to yourself from aside. If you can take a walk in the park or by the river, do this, if you haven’t any of these, maybe you can go to the part of the city that has. If you’re more active type - exercise, take a run, do some push ups or similar stuff. Find an exercising program app or videos on YouTube. Do good thing to your body and ignore that troublesome part of yours. Think about yourself as a person you would like to help. What would you suggest for him?
You’ve already been in this situation earlier. What has helped you to get out of that? Do this again. Just don’t act like it’s the end of the world. Yes, you’re weak. We all are. Just find where is your weakness. It will be the first step to success.
And don’t lose hope. You’ll be fine :slightly_smiling_face:

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Good advice by sis @Dari . You’re overreacting brother. I mean relapses are bad but getting into loop of negative thinking will worsen your situation. Instead take positive actions as suggested by @Dari even though you relpase. It will break the cycle of negativity.

Also i had suggested few videos to you i would still recommend to watch them.

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I’ve relapsed two more times. Procrastination led to peeking and fapping. Extremely dissapointed but its what i get. Should have gotten up when i needed to. I feel like my negative mindset and stress plays a part too. Recently I’ve been extremely stressed because im going to school to take classes i dont need. Im a senior in high school and out of all 8 classes i take i only need one. It really pisses me off. But also falling back to these urges makes me angry with myself. I’ve been holding all of this in. I’ve also been playing the victim too much. Idk if that may tie into relapse. Maybe its my brains way of justifying mt relapses. I need to do better though. Thank you for the words guys.

I relapsed again 11 hours into my new streak. I regret doing it i feel shitty.

Once again i relapsed. Did a lot of meditating. Yesterday and today. So even though i did relapse a lot im alright. Had a dream about my ex. I dated her while i was pmoing wayy more and was just a dog. I cheated on another girl just to get with her only to sss her body. Its all i wanted with every girl at that time. It was disgusting. I dreamed about her new boyfriend and my classmates being disgusted with me. Just everyone was disgusted. Looked at me with disdain. It hurt. Yet and still though, i fapped this morning. My forehead has this weird feeling. Like an itch. Its from the meditation idk its unrelated but yeah the middle of my forehead feels super sensetive. Anyways that dream was interesting. They were representations of how i view myself right now. I need to change. I dont want people to be disgusted with me. I want to improve. I haven’t fucked up with my current girlfriend and i swear i will never fuck up. A happy life is what i want. The girl may leave but thats fine, but i want to be content. I wanna do what i love for work and be well off doing it. I want to start a family. I want my family to know I’ll be okay. I want a good life. Pmo is not taking that from me, but the feelings i get after pmo is taking it from me. I dont think pmo is my problem, i think its me. The way i think. I need to be happier. I’ve only been trying to beat this addiction, but i think i need to focus on bettering my mind as well. I’ve meditated twicee and guys, i feel okay. Not happy, but okay. Idk im saying all sorts of randomness but yeah. I need to get my mind straight before i can beat pmo.

I need to make these more pleasing to the eye lol

Another relapse. Went 10 hours

Yet another relapse. 4 relapses.

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Bro, relax, focus
remember, every time you fap, you will make it harder for you to fight it next time. The urges may be strong now, but if u give up now, later the urges gonna be even stronger.

Wake up, surround yourself with the right people, LOVE YOUR SELF, focus, be serious, and be happy.

One effective way to fight pmo, is to grow positive habit to be stronger that that habit. If you meditate and only think of pmo, then pmo will take over, instead you need something positive/healthy to focus at.

Good luck man

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@anon9498230 Man, why are you doing this to yourself.?

Please feel better of yourself. We all make mistakes and we all fail.

I would suggest you, get a streak of 5 days at first.

As of now, focus on nothing except getting 5 days streak. You will always feel like shit after a relapse and it is a clear sign that, the act is completely wrong and not at all normal.

If required stay in this forum and look at all the motivating quotes for a complete day, that will also help. What ever you do in life man, please stay away from porn and Do not ever Fap

It damages the soul and leaves you wondering for more. You will lose your hair, you will lose your vitality, your composure, health, creativity, energy, drive.

I used to also fap everyday like you and i almost wanted to commit suicide and was so miserable.

As you are in this forum, it is a good thing, you will find many people struggling with this addiction. You can freely communicate with them.

STEP-1 TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME(ONE HOUR IF NEEDED) - WIN THIS DAY

STEP-2 REPEAT THE ABOVE STEP

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Just change something on your day to day routine. Maybe meditation is okay, however, it didn’t stop you.
You have to change your way of thinking. And it’s an active thing. Meaning - you have to do this. Don’t be lazy. Throughout laziness come all nasty things. Just stop being lazy. Don’t think that if you sit very still and will want to break free from this addiction very very veeeeeery much, you will succeed. Because. You won’t. It’s a harsh truth. Take an action. Even tiniest. Just act.

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Failed to listen to either of you. Relapsed 3 more times im sorry i really feel horrible

October 9th

I have my motivation. I saw so many people on a youtubr video contempt with being miserable. They blamed their issues on society and chose to live with their suffering. I complain a lot. I whine and cry like a baby. Some times i say crazy things. But I’ll never quit. Bc i no longer enjoy these issues. I know i have issues and i only have myself to blame for my issues. I won’t quit. I fell down so many times today yet im still typing on this platform. You guys are probably tired of me lol but yeah im ready to escape. I wanna leave this monster behind.

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Relapsed. So much for all that big talk i did.

Never ever do big talks :laughing:
I’ve been there! It never worked for me.
Better use this energy to stay in preparation mode. “Stand by” mode.
Good luck!
By the way, you should find good accountability partner. Not to talk about your addiction only, but also about your everyday life, your struggles at other areas of your life. And he should be ahead of you. Not behind with his strikes

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I had a few but im really bad at going to people when i have an urge ir something. I’m good with talking and all but wben it comes to helping myself and them i suck honestly

Oh no! Don’t think about connecting to them in the beginning! I know that in the moment of the urge, almost nothing will help, except your willpower (I never called to anyone during my urges before relapses). I’m talking about pre-urge periods. He should help you to build your new life - support your new ideas, new goals, new interests. The goal is not to quit this addiction by fighting only, the goal is to replace it with new interests, hobbies, etc. During those years your problem made some space (big space) in your life. And now little by little you have to fill this space with something else and little by little push that problem out of yourself and your life, and your mind.

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I get what you’re saying that sounds fun honestly. I wanna do a lot more music related stuff. So hopefully i can find some producers here or whatnot

So, work on your music! Maybe you can create a channel on YouTube or something? I wouldn’t suggest to go straight to producers.
Just create stuff, share this with other, learn from other and so on. Of course, it won’t magically stop all the urges, but you need something to start with!

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And well, I don’t know much about music, but if you want, you can share your pieces here :slightly_smiling_face:

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