I’ve been addicted to PMO for 5 years, long? Yes. My highest streak was only one month. That’s pretty low for someone who’s been trying non-stop for 5 years. I learned many things, various ways to deal with PMO. At first it worked, but I destroyed it myself, it repeated almost a hundred times.
I have entered the third stage, the first stage, which is when after PMO you will regret it. The second stage is when after PMO you don’t feel anything but you still think about trying. The third stage, which is when you don’t have the enthusiasm to try, but you also don’t want to continue to be addicted. I’m stuck in two positions.
Therefore, one suggestion that I have never followed is to be assisted by an accountability partner. I’ll start with this, in this forum. Write about the diary and habits that must be done along with the evaluation. Then, I will also talk to someone in RL to be the moral support and accountability partner. I’m going to count down the reveal time, this is going to be so stressful.
I, O Lord, ask You to make my efforts smooth, I am tired of sin. Thanks to whoever created this forum, as well as the people in it. This is the new beginning of my efforts, towards the garden of eden.
Study with ambition
Take a shower twice a day
reading books or listening podcasts
Praying
Social media? no!
Phone only for study
Doing all the activity in outside
Sentence of afirmation
IF YOU IN EMERGENCY, GO OUT, WHEREVER! for I do it for I don’t do it I haven’t do it yet, but still can do
15 March 2023
This is my first day of my diary. Thanks for all my friends who accompany me today. What you guys do, made me better. After relapsed and depressed yesterday, I can comeback to the original of my self. Be grateful to find this forum, although have to use English and my english is bad, but it is the challange too. To test and train my English skill. Thanks for today, to my self, all of my friends, and this forum!
Countdown: D-4 (19 March 2023)
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
16 March 2023
Nothing special today. But today is first time i use sentence of affirmation to trigger placebo effect. My pen ink ran out. I have to buy again. I write almost a page.
Besides that, I cry today, because I fell depressed to have to carry it all. But I can let up because my love chat me. Nothing special, just a chat, but it help me a lot.
Countdown: D-3 (19 March 2023)
: Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
17 March 2023
Today is full of happiness. I play game again after 2 months hiatus. I also play in my friend’s house. We joke with each other, not just two of us but four of us there. There is new drama too in my class. 2 gangs vs 1 person who backed by her mother and sister. I support 2 gangs because they are right, and get support from scholl. It is so interesting!
Countdown: D-2 (19 March 2023)
: Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
18 March 2023
Today is my last day of school. My friends so sad because they have to lose the daily life that has been lived for 3 years. In other hand, I don’t feel the same. I think, my conscience has disappear. I am too ambitious, too focus on self improvement and rewire my addiction. I forgot to be happy just because of little thing in life. I think that also the reason why I do not work on the dopamin detox.
Countdown: D-1 (19 March 2023)
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
19 March 2023
D-DAY. I have told to my gf about my addiction and she doesn’t problem about that, she agree to help me to be acountability partner. I am so happy, because she is broad-minded. Now, only my try remain, someone has believed me. Thanks for your time, you has setted aside just for listen my story.
Countdown: D-Day (19 March 2023)
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
20 March 2023
At first it was really hard because I suddenly felt hopeless for some reason, but I kept busy myself playing games and reading books. that night I discussed my addiction with my girlfriend. It’s a little strange to talk about things like this with a girl, but it’s very uplifting and peaceful.
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
21 March 2023
My day full of playing game. Push my rank until my phone battery low. After that, ,i charge my phone, and play again. But, I don’t feel happy. I don’t know why. I ask to my self, what is happiness? Something that human want? But, why I don’t feel it. Maybe because my dopamine standard too high. So I don’t feel happy easily. To solve that, searching the meaning of happiness now.
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
22 March 2023
I’m too busy, until often forget to write this diary. I have many things to do. Many events to attend. That make me forget about PMO. I’m grateful, the busyness is really work to erase thoughts about PMO. So next, I must have busyness.
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
24 March 2023
I’m getting lazy to write here. But I do as much as I can. Actually, since the last month I was waiting for the announcement of college entrance. I’ve tried hard for it, so hopefully the results are satisfactory. My activity today is basically just buying time. I’m not really productive yet, just playing with my friends.
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
25 March 2023
I did predictions about the TOEFL today. it’s quite draining my time, that’s good of course. I don’t have time to think about anything else. I still haven’t completed all of my assignments below, that’s because there are some who have problems. But never mind, the important thing is there is no emergency.
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
How many days I left? About 4 days. I felt in sadness, because I lost in a way for me to catch my dream. But now, I am back with new spirit. I will through the new way. Don’t just fail once then just give up. My dream is to be wanderer in other city. I wanna go to school there. I hope my dream come true!
Study with ambition Take a shower twice a day listening podcasts praying no social media phone only for study doing all the activity outside sentence of afirmation
Hi! I’m back, after quitting a month ago. I’ve relapsed two weeks ago caused fed up, can only refrain from masturbating but still watching ■■■■. But now, I commit to stop both of them, not just one. Let’s begin!
I haven’t written in months. it’s so heavy and hard. however, I managed to deal with it. I finished an article. hopefully this will be the start of my productivity.
It’s diary for yesterday. I’m sorry for delay. Yesterday, I did it! I made an article about Maluku Conflict, a history article. Just waiting for uploading in blog.
Hai, I am sorry, I’ve been off for months. Imitihan is my project and yes I write a story that can make me relax but you know, People today find it difficult to focus. So yeah I even stopped opening this forum.
i want to die every single week.
–March 2023 on the overpass
It’s quite sad that I have to start again a year later after blindly failing. I knew it would take many tries to complete it. However, is it that many? I think so. The sad thing today is that I have to bear the sin of one day of broken fast due to a relapse during the day. I have to start the change all over again in the same month. It seems that March will indeed be a month of struggle. I started this struggle again by reviving this account with the condition that it has been 18 years. Another step, I had to start cutting my ties with all the big sources of dopamine. Turning them into boring things like reading books, scriptures, dhikr, etc. My motivation is weakening. I used to fight this for God and a girl. But it was gone now. I’m completely walking alone. There is God who hopefully continues to guide me. Ah already ah, this is already too wordy. Let me declare the principles and habits that will be done and will be the template henceforth.
I just want to play in the rain with you, meet God with you, and plant banana trees on the back hill with you.
What did I feel? I think a change in mindset. I just want to be the me that I originally wanted to be. I just want to be the me that I was originally planned to be. The beginning of evolution. Ambition kills me every time. While a calm soul anesthetizes the pain and refracts the flowing blood. Let’s say that I don’t really want to be something. That’s not the correct interpretation. I am becoming something that is me. Just protest at me for that. I know there are those who don’t like it. Being a human being who seems useless and selfish at first glance. But doesn’t he see that I started out minor and will always be minor. But the impact is major with the prerequisite of sacrificing time. So, please give me a chance in my own way. I know this is wrong. However, I am following that path in my own way.
for I do it
for I don’t do it
I haven’t do it yet, but still can do