YOU CANT KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING. You can’t keep starting new streaks and just hope for the best. You can’t keep relapsing. You can’t keep being proud of your one week streaks because they will get you nowhere if you never get past them. You can’t do the same fucking thing over and over again and expect new results, because that’s fucking insanity.
Okay, so after being on the forum for nearly 20 days I have mustered up the courage to share my past. (Disclaimer: there can be triggering content )
I was 11 when my friend had already started watching p. I was in 6th (2017) he was always going on and on about the sex positions and how people move like animals. That time I didn’t know anything + I was not interested in that stuff so I ignored it. He also said, “Aw man what do I tell you I don’t know what to do, my d* just goes up and I feel all good.” I was like ‘ew’ at that time.
Then a year later when I changed schools, I got some new friends but they were worse than the previous of them. Out of nearly 20, 17 of them watched p. I already knew all the slang terms and all of that but I never thought of what it meant. One day that exact thought dropped my mind and I don’t know why I kept pondering over it. That day I first searched for the word ‘SEX’. I was shocked and stunned to see all the images of d* in mouths and d* in ‘holes’.
I could not resist scrolling down and down and down.
I hid it from my parents and haven’t told them even now… I’m scared to tell them and will not until for a year or so…
I remembered my friends words, ‘d* goes all up’. It was happening to me. I kept on searching for images and deleting the history every time I searched for it, for nearly a whole year.
Then I searched for hentai and then on sibling porn. I thought that siblings could do all the stuff as they showed in the videos. I didn’t realize that I was just a supporter for the p industry. I also used to prone masturbate to feel better. (its crazy how I did it on my own without watching any videos)
Soon enough when I hit 14, I learnt about masturbation and started to masturbate. I know it’s a very young age but yes… it flowed out. I did this for nearly six months when I first felt like, “Something off about me.”
I used to have sexual thoughts even about my own cousins and neighbors (I didn’t want to write this. I feel terrible)
Finally, I went incognito and searched for ‘I masturbate with my dick on the floor mostly, and is that bad…’ I literally couldn’t move for 2-3 minutes on seeing that what I was doing for 2 years was dangerously hazardous… I soon enough started having more sexual related questions like, “Is masturbation bad?” The search results struck me hard and I watched videos on how to stop masturbation. That was how I discovered NOFAP . It was nearly Dec 2020 when I really got serious about stopping masturbation and porn.
I’ve been struggling since.
I know I have acted shamelessly, but I have accepted it and made up my mind to move forward. I wish to be free and I’ve started acting upon it… I really don’t know when or how I will relapse again but I will try my best to get out of this.
Now I am on Nofap to LEVEL UP and go on a level so high that I myself should feel amazed looking back how I was…
And all the best my dear companions! I will give you guys a real tough fight from now.