Hey there brothers
I want to share with you where I’ve gotten to with my journey and something I discovered that I haven’t yet seen in this community.
I started my Nofap journey for real for the first time exactly 37 days ago. Before that my longest streak had been 16 days and it was just because I was very busy and I was having sex. This time I decided I wanted to get my life around. For the first 2-3 weeks it was hard, this app helped me a lot to stick on my path. I noticed how closely my anxiety, boredom and arousal were linked to PMO. That’s when I felt the urdges. My hardest one was on the 29th day in the evening. My loser subconscious tried to self-subotage me but I broke trough. However on this journey I noticed I was becoming less sexual as a person, which I wasn’t looking for. Spending a lot of time in self development and pick up community I’ve came to the realization that what I need was not absence of sex in my life but heathly relationship with it. I also noticed that years of PMO have made me experience sex trough my head and not in the healthy way trough my body. At some point I developed premature ejaculation and I could bring myslef to orgasm in just a minute if I had these very arousing thoughts in my head. Also my whole perception for sex had become all about orgasm. Like I was rushing just to come. So I realized I need to change my relationship to sex in general. The book the sex god method gave me some insight on what I should be working on. It called it immerson. Or it was the ability to experience sex with your body and enjoy it, rather than it just being a way to orgasm.
So that brings me to my finding 5 days ago I decided will masturbate like I never did before. Not thinking about arousing thoughts not going for orgasm but experiencing it. Call it a form of meditation if you will. I decided it and then waited for another day I wanted to be sure I’m not doing it out of the same reasons as I did before. I chose a moment when I wasn’t feeling an urdge. No porn of course. At some point I had to stop and be sure to take the thoughts out of my mind, didn’t want to fall again it the trap of experiencing sex with my mind. It took me like 20 minutes to orgasm after 32 days of nofap, something that didn’t happen before that in a long time. And the thing was there wasn’t the guilt after that I felt amazing, I felt really good. In the following days I have a few more urdges but I’m the master of them now.
For sure it would be even better to work on that with a partner and that’s what I’ll do next but I do believe this has to have its place in the recovery process. It’s something that should be practiced just when you feel you have your addiction under control. It shouldn’t be just one of the brain’s rationalizations that it gives just to get the shot of dopamine but I calculated decision you make by yourself on changing your brain’s wiring when it comes to sex. I get the feeling that the Nofap community having it’s eyes on the counter have forgotten what the end goal is. Wouldn’t recommend it to someone under 30 days who doesn’t have control over his addiction yet, but once you get there I believe rewiring can bring you huge benefits as well.
I hope this post helps some of you and doesn’t trick anyone to fall in the old pattern. Please be carefully.
I send you my prayers.
Done
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