Sharing code - 7b48bd
Current streak - 11 days 18 hours
Highest streak - 15 days
Gender - M
Location - India
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Whatās your age ? How long you are fapping ?
Hey man!
Iām 17 years old.I donāt recall the time period for which I have been addicted to it, itās been some 5 years or so.
May I ask your age and story if you donāt mind?
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I have pushed upto Day 11 as per my current streak and plan onto reaching day 30th.Going strong uptil now, even without bringing exercises
Into play. Yet I suppose Iād need them soon enough.
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Itās been a busy and exhausting day so far. As such Iāve had no urges till now.
I must admit one thing that maintaining this diary has given some form of strong motivation to go strong and attain my goal:)
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Day 16:
I am having some quite strong urges right now. Therefore, I am pouring all of my thoughts and agony into this post. As I write I can feel it(the āurgeā) overpowering me. I know how bad it feels after a relapse. I know that Iād be screwed up after I do that. I donāt want to do return to my fucked up life, I want to be strong. I want to become a beast. I donāt want to have a FAILURE!
And I want to achieve my bloody GOAL!!
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be strong buddy
do you have something else to do? some tasks youāve been procrastinating for some time?
do them right now and you will feel even more amazing afterwards. then when you know that you not only resisted the urge but also did something great
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Thanks for your advice bro. It worked out pretty well. I went out for a walk and did 25 push-ups and squats.I feel fine now but I know that they are gonna return.
Sorry, for late reply.
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I started writing the diary so that I could remind myself of my motive daily(war against pmo). However, I soon lost my interest in it(not the war). I believe I have covered a long journey since then(I still have miles left to cover though). I havenāt, in truth, looked at porn since I started the journey. Nevertheless, I have struggled to overcome objectification of women and the mentality of seeing them as toys.
But today I can conclude that I have overcome this demon of mine. It has been like that for about 20 days. Believe me, telling yourself ānoā wherever you go, whenever you see a lady is a tiring task. Now that I have freed a lot of processing power, it can be utilised in productive works.
So, I would be starting an intense time table from now on. I have decided to sleep for five hours in two phases of 3 and 2 hrs. I belive that it would give me enough time to compete with my fellow brothers preparing for IIT**(i am a JEE aspirant).That means, any form of failure to comply with the time table would be counted as a relapse.
I have also decided to give 15 min daily to writing my log in the diary,so that I am aware of my goal every second of my life.
I could have choosen other personality development platforms for this too. But then again, I know that I can get any form of support that I need from my brothers here.
Thanks for scrolling.
** for the uninitiated, IIT is the indian institute of technology.
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Later, I relapsed on 16th october and then again on 22 oct. Thus, ending my 115 days long streak. It is strange that I canāt really point out why I did it. I believe I was going through a flat line and just simply gave in to my urges. Or I thought that I could āspareā some of my energy. Probably I got overconfident and thought that I could face any form of the urges however strong they may be. And we know that the universe does exactly the same things that we expect it not to do.
Therefore here I am, day 4.
This time I will be better prepared to fight the urges off. The kid gloves will be off this time.
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Thereās is not much to write today about no fap problens. However, I ended up wasting 3 hrs of my precious study hours in the night(1-4). It was because I was facing subtle urges and decided to check the app. The urges subsided but then I just felt like āwasting my timeā. I donāt know what does that even mean because all the while my conscience was telling me to return to my studies. Yet, I decided otherwise.
Thereās this concept of inertia in physics. I believe once we start recreating(essentially doing ānothingā) we loose the inertia of productivity and end up with a mentality which asks us to do ānothingā for five more minutes. And It just continues on and on. I think that this happened because my mind was not recieving as much dopamine as it did through po** and wanted as much as it could. Socialising and engaging with smartphones give us dopamine free of cost. Therefore, the urge to get the kick that we get after solving problems recedes to the background.
I just have be careful about it.
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maybe i feel quite a similar thing at the time.
For a long time I thought that productive work makes me happy. But then, once I started to procrastinate I got trapped in that. I felt worse and worse and hence needed more and more distraction. It was always like, just read this post or watch this clip afterwards I will go immediately back to my studies. Could be that this is the inertia you are describing.
Had a very interesting discussion few days ago.
I can now feel a difference between some thing like a ābackground happinessā, a joy in doing an activity and an ignoring of feelings.
hard work on long-time goals give me a nice background. I feel more reason to wake up in the morning and my mood is better in general. But it doesnāt help me to relax. So, I need activities to do just that.
To relax i used activities which helped me to forget all the stress. These were things like smartphone checking or laptop activities. But I feel like there can be the problem. It is more like a forgetting the stress. That was at least the inertia i felt. I had to keep going otherwise the stress came back.
So, instead I now try to find activities which give me joy. And use them to reduce my stress-level.
Iām just at the beginning to figure these things out for myself but maybe it helps you a bit too.
Productive work does, indeed, gives us happiness because we have this sense of accomplishment and that we stood by and completed our tasks. However, trying to work productively under stress like conditions where you are forced to do something (as in, your boss has asked you to complete a large assignment in a limited period or like the conditions faced by a student when his/her exams are near), productive work has also got this underlying stress, which our mind constantly want to flee from. This is the reason because of which it ends up wasting a lot of time whenever it is given freedom, even in the slightest form if you may.
I do not fully understand your concept aof ābackgroud happinessā. Like how are we supposed to feel the joy of doing something while neglecting all the feeling that we associate with it? Is it just to go on with the joy and neglect any other emotion( postive or negative) or something else?
Itās true, indeed, that spending your time on digital platforms or watching television makes you spend more time in general(itās probably because they are designed to do just that, hold our attention). Btw, thanks for the tip on decreasing stress levels. In fact, after writing my last post I went on to do brainstorming on the same issue (i.e how to reduce stress). Then I decided to pursue some rewarding hobby, whenever I feel stressed. As such I can have my own āworldā where I can flee when under stress. This role, as we know was played by PMO. I have made up a list of some items. The decision still remains pending. But as you can see it checks out with your thought on seeking happiness rather than just fleeing from or forgetting the stress for some time.
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Day 6:
- Had a pretty unexpected day! Things happened in such a series that could have been foreseen and dealt with or eliminated. Yet, I couldnāt. Had to suffer and drag through the day. Hence no urges.
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- I decided to follow painting as my hobby. I used to do a lot of painting as a kid. I remember, how much I would immerse myself into my drawings. Upto the extent that I felt detached from the world. That I was myself a part of the picture. Slowly seeing my world being created. Beautifully filled with colours. The completion of the pictures would give me great satisfaction, upto the extent that as a child I wanted to become a painter. However, life has hot its own ups and downs and one has to cope up with them. So, I quit from painting. And here I am back again at the same spot after quite a long time.
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I personally feel like having a goal and striving towards it gives your life a meaning. A goal and working hard to reach it is what makes a life worth living. Thatās the ābackground happinessā I meant. Itās a positive energy that pushes you forward. Something that helps you get up in the morning and start working
But I feel like working towards a goal takes energy most of the time. I mean, I like studying, but it is hard work. Same with learning English or hitting the gym. Also, I like doing them but the task it self often doesnāt fill me with joy and excitement. Guess because it is hard work. That means, I need something else to relax. To refill my energy.
Thatās where I wanted to lead to. So then, either you try to avoid the feeling of the empty tank or you try to refill it. You can avoid it by binging and you can refill it by doing activities that fill you with joy. Things where you donāt have to work towards a goal, but where you can do it just because you like doing them
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Makes sense. Your words look like they have their roots in āThink and grow richā (just guessing?). They surely are words worth following.
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Day 7:
- no urges today either. Its probably because, I have lately been practicing yoga and meditation. They have lead to a remarkable decrease in the amout and frequency of my urges.
- Found some of the time to relax today.The week has already begun and we must go back to our work.
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Didnāt know that book, but sounds very interesting. Have to read it at some point.
The view I described evolved out of a discussion in the german nofap group
Itās a must read book for people struggling to find success and provides you with the secret to success. Even more so because the author himself proclaims that he has never encountered a successful man who is not in possession of the secret.
Day 8:
So much to say. So much to pour out. But thereās a lack of time today. So, meet you tomorrow, buddies. Later.
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